"What will be, will be...."
Monday, May. 20, 2013 - 3:45 p.m.
When my mom called to tell me that she had found my stepfather unresponsive in the house, I was at that very moment listening to Foreign Exchange's "Everything Must Go".
On the ride to the house, when I wasn't yet sure if the man was dead or alive, I did not listen to any music. But Foreign Exhange's "Laughing At Your Plans" kept playing over and over in my mind.
It was a gray day and, even though Miami traffic is one of the most exciting adventures ever, that day, everyone decided to drive on their best behavior. So of course, in an effort to not think about the situation I was heading towards - no matter what the outcome - my mind just kept playing "Laughing At Your Plans" over and over again.
It's still hard for me to listen to that song. Very hard. It drags me back to that phonecall. To pulling up to the house to see police officers sitting at our little table on the porch. To my stepfather's body on the floor.
Very vivid flashbacks. Feels like it all happened just a few weeks ago...
We're coming up on 9 months since my stepfather passed away.
Wow.
Time just keeps on moving.
I'm still mad at time, by the way. I still would have appreciated for time to STOP and let me process. But it didn't. And I haven't fully processed yet. But I will.
Everytime I think of anything having to do with the fact that my stepfather died, I feel like a wave of emotion flowing over me. I catch myself just before I get low enough to cry.
I can't believe how my different my life is from what it was on September 24, 2012. I just can't believe it.