Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016 - 11:11 p.m.

So, since Oct 8th:

- Visited with DBanks for a shot of Oxytocin. Not a full injection, just a little shot, a tiny taste. It really worked. The "idea" of him has shifted to an oxytocin source. He's hardly a person in my mind anymore. I only consider him as a resource for the chemical that is lacking in my system. He's a supplier. A dealer, if I may. Haven't informed him of this but haven't indicated otherwise. (Speaking of DBanks, I bumped into his "muse" recently. But I'll come back to that in a bit.)

- My great-uncle's services were held. That's the part I really hate about someone passing away. There's such a ceremony about saying goodbye. The turnout for him was amazing. Absolutely amazing. But the goodbyes we had with him as he was transitioning... Why can't the personal goodbyes be enough? I guess because everyone who would want to be around for the transition can't or won't, so it's important for them to be able to say "goodbye". I guess.

- The night of the funeral, a huge group of my cousins and I attended an old school concert. A bunch of my family won tickets through a local radio station through a very strategic and concerted effort. LOL So we made use of the tickets and went. Tank, Jaheim and Frankie Beverly & Maze (!!!).

- A huge chunk of my family came down with the stomach flu in the days following my great-uncle's funeral. My aunt (mom's sis) contracted it Wednesday and brought it to the funeral on Saturday. With all the hugging, kissing on the cheek, touching, it spread like a zombie bite. LOL. I was VIOLENTLY ill. OMG. Came out both ends at one point (I need to remember that). I said maybe the Lord knocked us all down so we couldn't concentrate on the reality. He gave us a couple days break. Because that illness? Couldn't do nothing but use the bathroom and sleep and wish you could drink something. LOL :-/

- In the midst of being troubled by my great-uncle's death but trying to convince myself I was unaffected, one on sleepless night, I bought a flight to Aruba. Someone posted a great fare late at night with my favorite airline, (JetBlue) so I jumped on it. It'll be a birthday trip. I didn't solicit anyone else for the trip - didn't feel like being bothered with coordinating anyone or anything. I don't have any plans yet. I'll work on a place to stay in a few weeks.

- My great-uncle's death was yet another reminder that life is for the living. Gotta live this life. Time passes, no matter what you do, feel, think, say, believe, acknowledge... Time is still ticking by. If I can live while I'm alive, that's what I need to try to do. So, in the days following his death, I also booked a ticket to a concert: Anthony Hamilton, Lalah Hathaway and Eric Benet. Once again, not up to coordinating. So I went by my damn self. Got the closest seat I could being late to purchase. Because I bought a single ticket, I was able to get a seat in Row J. Very close to the stage.

I've been acting like I don't make decent money. Hell, good money. So I don't really consider spending money on anything outside of food, drinks and travel. Everything else is non-essential in my mind. Not really open to spending money on much. Had to remind myself that I can afford to do things that interest me and I should try to do it as big as possible. Why not?

So yes, I showed up to the concert by myself. I knew the person who parked in front of me. It was funny because there I was, being a big girl, going out by myself and the first person I see before I can even get in the building, I know. LOL

Then, when I walked in the building, as I'm headed to my seat, I see DBanks' "muse", K. Now, when I say "muse", I really mean the woman....hmmm, how to say this....the lady that was in the room with he and I that one time. LOL Yeah, that works. LOL So when I saw her, I didn't know if I should say hi or what. So I didn't. I looked in her eyes and it seemed she didn't recognize me. But I was speaking with an usher to help find my seat and I could see her turn around out the corner of my eye. I haven't seen this woman since that night yet, there she was. Chyle.

The concert, tho. SO GOOD!!!! OMG! I was so happy to have that experience. I really, really enjoyed every part of it. And it was even good being there alone with my own thoughts. When I'm with people, I'm always trying to make sure everyone is having a good time. I didn't have to worry about that, being by myself. And I was not distracted by anyone or anything. Loved it!!!

Years ago when Anthony Hamilton first came out, he did a show on South Beach. Hopefully, I wrote about it here back then. There's a pic of my friends from that night that has always been one of my favorites. When they say a thousand words can be holed up in one picture? They are telling the truth! So seeing him headline a concert, command the entire crowd, put on a hell of a show? There was so much happiness and pride in my heart for him. I'm happy that he is still going and doing so well.

Lalah Hathaway was a real treat!! It was weird to actually see her perform live, I think because I never expected to. Don't know why. I think she was a performer I just thought I'd never see. So to have her right there, sounding juuuust like everything she's ever done? Shocked. Dumbfounded. Ecstatic!

That night made me so happy for so many reasons. I'm glad I experienced it.

- One day last week, I was getting a pedicure and my friend Tae sent me a text about hearing a Bilal song. The very next day, I just caught an announcement on his fb page about a Miami show. BITCH!!!!!!!!

I tried not to think about the show. Didn't want anything to go wrong. Waited until the day before to buy my ticket (bought it during the intermission right after Eric Benet and before Lalah - LOL - definitely want this note written down somewhere. LOL). Did NOT allow myself to get hyped up otw. I did everything else but listen to Bilal.

So I got there, alone again. Went and got a drink to calm my nerves. Was at the door to the theater when they finally opened it. Got a front row seat. A woman came and sat flush next to me, thighs against each other and all. When she went to go outside before it started, I moved over one seat. When she came back, she asked if I had moved then came and sat next to me again. LOLOL She was a friendly presence, though. We talked through the night and she even bought me a bottle of water after I told her I didn't want anything. LOL She was meant to be there. LOL

While talking to her, waiting for the show to start, I spotted an old theater friend. Mentioned that he was working the event to my mom and she instructed me to tell him to help me meet Bilal. During intermission, I did. :-D

The show was absolutely amazing! It was a local orchestra and they performed 21st century works. Very non-traditional! It took me all the way back to playing violin in middle school. I was loving it! Then came intermission.

After intermission, they announced Bilal was coming out. Lord, my heart is beating faster just remembering that! LOL And then, he came out.

That whole experience was sooooo surreal. I did not feel like I was me. I felt like I was somebody else experiencing that. It was everything I could have ever hoped for in seeing Bilal, plus so much more. I let myself fall as much into the experience as I could without embarrasing myself. LOL My breathing was all over the place - there were moments I felt like I couldn't at all. I couldn't help smiling like a whole fool. The orchestra surrounding him.... It was just completely overwhelming. I was sincerely overwhelmed.

I got to meet Bilal after the show and all I could do was hug him. I had all these things I wanted to say. Forgot all about all that. I was shaking so my friend had to take the pic I wanted with Bilal. I just.... I was..... LOL Now, I need to meet him again. LOL

But for real, I said God had to do it as big as he could think of. That's why he held me off of going to see Bilal for so long. He had to make it perfect. And it was. So, so perfect. So, so perfect.

I feel so blessed for that experience.

OMG. So blessed!!!

- Last night, I went to a Haitian Music & Food Festival. It was the inaugural event. Had a great time. Realized there that as long as it's live music, I will pretty much enjoy. I enjoyed it. There's a Haitian band, T-Vice, that is like the holy grail of Haitian music. I've never seen them perform, so it was nice to see them, live. Good times.

- Today, my body was like, "Girl, you have been doing the most." I am fully exhausted. My mom and I set out on a mission and, other than breakfast, I couldn't even get out of the car. She had to go everywhere by herself. I was literally her chaffeur. My body just couldn't do anything. I push myself so hard and, really, I've been coasting through the past few days. I had so much to do that I didn't have time or energy to even think. I just did. Just went. Just mae it through. So I guess today, my mind relayed to my body that there was no official activity on the schedule, so it just kinda gave out. Granted, I drove, but for almost 4 hours, I was sitting in the car in various spots across the county. Came home and got in the bed and been in it ever since.

- The reality that my great-uncle is gone has been setting in. Settling in, too. Making itself comfortable, and all. *sigh* His house has always been a place where you can drop by anytime - literally, ANYtime - knock on the door and someone will open it. Half the time, the door would be unlocked. So you could always try the handle before knocking. Knocking was always second. But no matter what, someone would always be there to greet you and my great-uncle would always be home.

So when we stopped by today and my mom knocked on the door and no one answered... It stung. A harsh reminder that he is gone. We called and one of his sons answered so my mom was able to go in the house (I couldn't get out, yet again). But it's a new practice. Part of the new reality without my great-uncle around.

Life.

Okay, I think I got caught up. I should probably go through my calendar and twitter to see if I missed anything. LOL That's the way I keep track of my life these days. Had to use the timeline yseterday on google maps AGAIN to remind me where I had been on a day that wasn't recorded in my calendar. SMH

Again, Life.

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