"And I wonder if you're feeling the same way. I wonder if you're doing the same thing..."
2006-09-13 - 11:08 p.m.
So I do believe I'm going to see Bilal and Raheem Devaughn in Houston on October 25th.
No, I don't know anybody in Houston. No, nobody I know wants to go with me.
Yet and still, I do believe I am about to book my flight and hotel and car rental for this short trip.
I HAVE to see these guys. HAVE TO. I can FEEL the desire to do this in my...blood.
For real.
I can't deny it anymore. I won't deny it anymore.
I have to do this.
I've said that I want to see Bilal perform live. I've said that I want to see Raheem Devaughn perform live. Now here, I have the opportunity to see them both. Live. For free.
Granted, I'll be spending to get there, be there, eat there, get around there. But the show itself would be free.
So I believe I'ma go.
I don't wanna "think" I'ma go 'cause I have a feeling I'ma "think" myself out of it.
So I'm going. That's the end of it.
I'm gonna book my stuff tomorrow. I have to. My blood is telling me to do this. My heart is telling me I need this.
It's settled.
And I'm excited!!!
At the same time, I NEED TO MOVE! ASAP! Like, really.
I am being so stifled in this house. My stepfather is a projectionist. I love my mother dearly and I understand why but she is an avoider. Period.
I just need to move.
To North Carolina where the real estate is cheap. I was raised in a house. I will live in a house. Not a condo, preferably not an apartment. I want to purchase a home. A house.
Where I can fill my space with the scent of Nag Champa and let VH1Soul play allllllllll dayyyyyyy. Burn candles high and low. Utilize natural light and air. Walk around naked! Stretch out on the floor and meditate. Yell along to my favorite songs at the top of my lungs. Wake up to silence.
I need this. I do.
And I'm getting ready to. Next year maybe. The end of it. Maybe.
What's keeping me from it?
I told my job they would get at least 2 years out of me. Which would come true at the end of June 2007.
I don't want to leave my family.
But I need to go. For my own peace. And happiness. I need to go.
I need to go.