2006-01-23 - 4:52 p.m.

So Thursday past (1/19) was my 25th birthday. Didn't celebrate it with a bang as I had hoped. Didn't celebrate it at all really. Not that day, anyway.

Wednesday night, me and a few friends went out to celebrate. What started out as a seemingly disaster (not at all on my part) turned into a great time had by all with a better ending than I could have expected. Fun times at The Delano for sure.

Thursday, I was supposed to get tatted up but instead I was home, suffering (well-deserved by the way) the side effects of the Plan B I had to take as a result of TheBouncer's attempt at getting me on lock. Mmm-hmmm.

I wasn't gonna tell him that I took the Plan B but it came out in conversation Saturday night. I wasn't gonna tell him because it was a decision I had made on my own, independent of anything he had to say or feel. But I'm glad I told him because he needs to know that I'm not about to just go with the flow of the chance of my life changing like that. I've gone with the flow long enough. Now's the time to man up and choose my directions.

Okay, so did I really mention that my birthday already came and went? Feels like I just skimmed over that when it should mean so much more to me. But I got what I wanted out of being 25 - my car insurance went down $1k a freakin' year! I mean what else could a girl ask for?!

I'm 25. 25. 25. No kids. Just about independent. Juuuuuust about. LOL. I wanna move out but I don't wanna pay bills. It's crazy. It's also crazy that a one-bedroom shack down here costs like $150k but that's another issue in and of itself.

I'm 25. Time to take control of my freakin' life! Argh!!!

If I was a strong 25, I would demand at least a $4 raise at the theatre or simply walk-the-hell out 'cause the stress ain't worth nothin' I'm getting out of it. If I was a strong 25, I'd jump up and get me an apartment anywhere, do it up real nice and forget about the reality outside. If I was a strong 25, I'd completely cut all ties with TheBouncer and move on with my life. If I was a strong 25, I'd tell D to step up and handle her business or holla at me when she gets herself together. If I was a strong 25...

I'd be living in peace right now. But because I'm not a strong 25, I'm going to continue to let all these outside people and factors ruin my damn life for oh, 'bout 5 more months. By June though, whether I wanna be or not, I'ma have to be a strong 25. Excuses ain't gon' cut it no 'mo!

But I'm so mad at the theatre people. They're the cheapest women I have ever met in my entire life. But they blow crazy money on the craziest stuff. But yeah. They are tre cheap! They get mad at the actors for being upset about not getting paid because there's no money in the bank to pay them 'cause the theatre is way in debt. Wtf? How do you justify being mad at people for being mad that they're not getting paid for the work that they do? I have heard them many a time say, "People always want what they want. Never wanna work with nobody when they know we goin' through hard times." Urrum, FPL don't care 'bout nobody hard times.

But yeah, they're a non-profit so I let them pay me $8 an hour. I'm almost embarassed to say I'm only making that much, being that my job now is an entry-level position and I'm making $20 an hour. But that's neither here nor there. The work I do for the theatre could easily net me $15 an hour anywhere else, if not much more. I've been working there for 2 years, making too many important decisions on my own and I haven't gotten a raise. But they gon' turn around and "hire" one of my boss's nieces as an assistant to the children's theatre (she ain't doin' nothin' but babysitting and she's doing a bad job of that) startin' out at $7.50 and then give her a raise to $8 (what I make) not three months later. Yeah, somethin' ain't right.

I'm not sayin' that they do it intentionally but I shouldn't have to come out of my mouth and say anything either. Especially after they got called out on it by their board of directors who were absolutely and completely appalled to hear my $8 an hour salary and demanded a raise on my behalf without me saying anything. One of my bosses was quick to say I was gonna get a raise to $14 an hour but I've heard hide nor hair of that in months.

It just sucks 'cause I want to help them out. They need the help. REALLY they do. But I'm just being too taken advantage of and run down in this situation. After two years, I'm tired. My day job is getting real hectic and stressful. I just can't have the both of them over my head. I can't.

So by June, when I'm my strong 25, I'll have quit probably. I mean, I'll offer my volunteer services occassionally but other than that, I'm just gon' have to be out. Period.

It's just really time to live my life. Get in my little Honda and travel 'till I run out of money to pay my raggedy cell phone bill. Dine at fine restaurants and then go home to a dark house 'cause like I said, FPL don't care 'bout nobody (black, white, hispanic, haitian - whatever) hard times. Go to boring art shows and make them fun. Call MdotBlake and have him design my damn tattoo. Whutever!

I just feel soooo constricted by so many people and so many things and I'm tired of feeling this way. Really. It's become quite old.

I'm bored.

Period.

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