"See I was lookin' for love to call mine...but instead I found you."
2005-03-29 - 2:41 p.m.
LOL @ the irony of me hearing these words right now.
I just came from Wendy's (I'm still doin' alright as far as my eating is concerned. I went there to get a Ceasar side salad and a baked potato.) where I was "accosted" *lol* by TheBouncer. I never see this man out in the streets. Never. He even works in another town in another county. But I see him in the most random Wendy's today...
I was thinking about the situation between me and him, wondering if I should just sit back and accept the situation. I could have my DNOD (Dick/Nigga on Demand) and he could have the only woman he wants... I mean, it wouldn't hurt anybody right? And wouldn't it be the most convenient thing to do?
But it would hurt somebody - him. 'Cause I don't care about him the way he wants me to. I mean, he's a good guy with a
And I'm upset with myself for even considering settling for this "arrangement" but it's just that it gets so tiring wondering when the "right one" is gonna come along and wading through the foolishness in the meantime. With him, just about everything is clear (except the fact that our feelings for each other are not mutual) so there's really no akwardness in what we do.
But for real, I'm mad at me right now. Whatever.
So I made it back to the gym and been doing for real workouts. I'm thinkin' about gettin' me summa that electronica to listen to while working out. The beat really helps me to pump up the pace and get into my workout. We'll see.
Sometimes I wish I had the nerve to have that roving eye 'cause I see some nice arms and torsos up in that piece but I just can't bring myself to bring my eyes up to see faces. I don't speak unless spoken to up in that piece. I ain't tryna get no workout partner and I ain't tryna give nobody the wrong impression.
But anyway.
I started tutoring children at an inner city elementary school yesterday. I might as well have been a 2nd grade teacher showing up on the first day of school with NO lesson plan. Thank goodness the director of the program I'm working for came through with some workbooks or else I woulda been tied up and whipped by them kids.
Lawd, my head is still hurting from yesterday. I just gotta get some structure to my system. That's all kids need to be productive - structure.
I'll figure it out this week....I hope.
I still don't have any organization in my life and I really need that right now. I need it so my mind can be a little clearer. I'ma have to get started on that tonight - no excuses. I have so many papers that need folders so I can access them easily when I want/need to, so much stuff that I need to find a place for... Organization. I need it.
I was reading a magazine today (Essence) and one of the articles was talking about purpose. One of the contributors to the article said that so many people say they're saving for a rainy day when instead, we should be saving for the day it's time to make a change, whether it be changing jobs, changing homes, whatever.
That really made me feel more at ease about my situation. I haven't even begun to eat into the savings I've accumulated over the last two years. It's there, waiting to be utilized. At first, I was kinda upset because I'm using it now rather than to finance a move into a place of my own or something but once I read homegirl's explanation, I realized that I'm using the money when I'm supposed to use it.
I'm going through this period of mild unemployment for a reason. Just this quickly, I'm making moves to get back into school and looking more towards my future than I had been over the past year. I'm ready.
Until next time.