2004-02-11 - 1:40 p.m.

As I was walking into my house last night at the end of a long but non-stressful day, I looked up and saw all the pretty stars in the clear night sky. Saw all the pretty stars, all the pretty stars. That's when it hit me.

I couldn't see the moon. Nevermind that just Saturday night, the yellow moon was hovering in the east. Oh nevermind that. Tonight, the moon was nowhere to be seen.

That realization gave me a weird feeling. I don't think it was a bad feeling. I'm not sure it was the greatest feeling. I can't really remember. All I know is that not seeing the moon did something to me so I'm gonna keep my eyes open.

I had a great and uneventful day yesterday.

Went to see the kids. Mainly spent time with the babies. The big boy in the baby room that runs alot, he's progressing at an amazing pace. He has figured out how to do so much and get in so much trouble in these few weeks that he's been walking. Me and the lady who works in the room have to keep putting him in "jail" (his crib). He's such a sweetie though. He cried when I was leaving the room.

They had a new baby girl there. She's six months and big! LOL. That girl...

They were all sleepy at the same time so I worked on her first 'cause I saw her eyes closing more than anybody else's. I was glad to have a big ole' skirt on 'cause I just sat Indian-style (what a term) and let her rest in the bassinet that position created.

She was asleep in no time so I picked her up to put her in her crib. As soon as I put her down, she started crying. Damn-near wailing. But she was still asleep. I just rubbed her stomach 'till she calmed down and left her alone. She was knocked out.

I moved onto another little boy and put him in my bassinet of a skirt too. He was out in half the time it took for the girl. I laid him down in his crib and he was sleeping so hard, his arms were stretched out to his sides. He is a cutie and has the most beautiful chocolate skin. Mmm, mmm, mmm.

I know when I have kids, they are gonna be my life. All I care about. All I want to talk about. I just love children. But I will definitely be waiting to have them 'cause I'm too selfish to have any right now. I like to have my time to do with as I please and I like to pay bills that only I had a hand in creating. I ain't ready to be supporting no child right about now or anytime soon. I give myself 'till 30. I want to start having kids around then.

The big boy and another little lazy baby, I didn't have time to put them to sleep but I didn't feel bad about it 'cause right around the time I had to go, the girls from my alma mater came through to handle the churrens for the rest of the night.

I was so tired when I woke up this morning. Thankfully, because of my chiro appointment, I was able to sleep in a little later than usual. I just don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow morning when I get up 'cause I know I ain't gon' get home 'till late tonight from going to the Ding-Aling show. It's gonna be even wilder tonight 'cause there are gonna be 3 male scrippuz and then upstairs, there are gonna be some female scrippuz for the men's enjoyment. Wild, wild, wild. And I'ma be right up in the middle of it. LOL. [Evidence of why I ain't ready to have no kids. Gotta get allllll my fun out the way.]

Then today, while I'm at the chiro, I get a call from a lady I did an internship with. Once I started working at my current job, I let her know that I couldn't intern anymore but that I would love to offer my free services outside of my work hours 'cause she offered me a job when she found out I was gonna be working but she wasn't tryin' to pay right. Don't work like that. I guess she was mad about it so I ain't hear from her even though I see her at damn-near every event I go to 'cause I have my face in the place(s). So when she called me today, she was calling to ask me if I could work in her office next week while she's out of town.

And she has interns! But she knows that I am professional and thorough wit my ish, so now she want a female to help her out. Sorry, no can do. She sounded so disappointed too. But, that's the way the cookie crumbles.

And something just hit me: How, all of a sudden, do J and I have the same damn taste?! In all the five years I've known this girl, our tastes have been completely different. She was stuck on tall and skinny while I wanted Mandingo. However, each of our tastes has changed and basically melded so that, sometimes, we are now scoping out the same prospects. It doesn't make me upset or anything, it just makes me stop looking at prospects.

I called and made another hair appointment for this Saturday. The way my weekend is lookin' though, I don't know if I'ma make it - again. And I need my hair done like whoa. These babies won't even lay down anymore. They just stickin' up any-damn-way they please all over my head. LOL!

And on the exercise/eating front... My mom's b-day was last week so there was a beautiful, rich, chocolatey chocolate cake in the house for the past few days. In total, I had about one square over the course of three days. I was doing good about it. Yesterday, I ate really well and had plenty calories to spare so I figured I'd go home and have me a small piece of the cake again. It was written in them pretty little stars that that would not happen.

I got home, did a few thangs, then went in the room where the cake was. The room was there, the furniture was there - everything was in there except the damn cake. Turns out, they had given the rest to my cousins the night before. I threw my back onto the door and waved my arms like a madwoman to show how upset I was that all the calories I had reserved for that piece of cake would not get used up. I went into the kitchen and looked in a cupboard and eyed a Reese's to decide where I would eat up those calories.

Then, I felt, "F it." and forgot about the whole situation. Moved on with my life. Looked forward to doing some more crunches.

I still can't believe it. Food is becoming a distant acquaintance instead of the boo it used to be for me. These past mornings I've been waking up, I take my hand and feel my pelvic bone, my ribs. I feel the tire that is decreasing in size day by day. I think back on the fact that I didn't go outside of my calories the day before and I map out my calorie plan for the current day. I'm just happy when I wake up in the morning and it's all because of what I'm doing for myself.

I'm planning a get-together for my friends and I on Saturday because we're all a bunch of single women (except Vita who is in a long-distance relationship). Yesterday, the kids were having a Valentine's party and it gave me an idea. I want to make it more of a party than I started out making it. I'm gonna decorate and all of that. It's gonna be nice. And it ain't gon' be no "men ain't nuthin' but mangy dogs" type-a thang either. It's gonna be, "yeah, we're single but we're also beautiful, intelligent, successful women who enjoy each other's company". And that's the way it's gonna be. Period.

Aiight. I might come back later.

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