2004-02-12 - 8:33 a.m.

Only the grace of God got me here to work this morning. I am so serious. He knows that I need this job right now so he is helping me so much. I want to pay my car note since the mortgage on my parents' house has now gone up $300 a month so I need to keep this job. I couldn't afford to not come in this morning and God knew that so he helped me make it up in here safely. Thank you Lord.

And why did I see the MOST ghetto thing I might have ever seen in my life (and I've SEEN some GHETTO thangs in my day)? Why did I see women getting change at the stage?! They wanted to give the scrippuh some dollaz but they only had tens and twenties so, these females stand up at the stage and ask for change - which is promptly given to them! I can't understand it.

It's Ladies Night and all the ladies know there will be male scrippuz. You know you might want to give a scrippuh-man a dollah or two so why wouldn't you get yo change before you get to him?! Damn-near stopping shows to get your change. I tell ya.

I am still under the influence of the three vodka and cranberries and the 1 and a half rum and cranberries I had last night (bka this morning). The lady on the radio just said it is 7:54am. It is gonna be a looooonnnnggg day. Gotta go get me some coffee.

And when I find myself getting drunk, I will immediately place my cell phone in the hands of some not-as-drunk person in my party. I need not be calling Reggie just so he can hear I'm at the club since I let the phone ring then held it in front of my face to see how long it would be before he hung up (damn-near a minute passed. I felt bad so I hung up the phone). Then, to call him as soon as I got home (3:00am) to invite him to my get-together this weekend (at the request of Miss Pooh) and then to call him back after I've made sure J and D got home safely to try and have a regular conversation like it's 3:00pm. ESPECIALLY when I know it's already late and I already have to get up at 6:30am at the latest in order to make it to work in some semblance of timeliness.

Ridicumalous.

Even more upsetting for me is the fact that this nigga indulged me at all. I think I would have been happier with a "Girl, don't you know it's three o'clock in the damn morning?! I gotta get up early and so do you so take yo' drunk ass to sleep!" instead of the *sleepy-as-hell voice* "Hey, how you doin'? Wussup?" and all the conversation that followed.

I'm a masochist. Yeah, baby! LOL.

He make me sick.

Wit his sexy ass.

I haven't called him in ages, why would I call him now? 'Specially when I could have easily had D call him about my get-together? Why? 'Cause I was watchin' them scrippuz and realized he looked better and moved better than all of 'em. Wit his sexy ass! He make me sick, I tell ya!

And why am I even thinking about him at all? 'Cause Miss Pooh likes him and that bothers me just a little bit even though I continue to profess that it doesn't. She knows what went down between me and him. She also knows that I don't like him in a "I like him" kinda way 'cause that's what I've told her. But still... It just don't feel right. I mean I know me and her have a very honest friendship but... I guess you just have to know what to say to people and what not to say to people and sometimes, she just don't know the difference.

I enjoy Nelly's "Tip Drill" video more than Ludacris' "P**** Poppin'" video (Up at 3:00am = watching BET's UnCut). Nelly's is more no-holds-barred - at least the females in the video are. Yeah, it's objectifying women but those women don't seem to have a problem with being in the video so I don't have a problem watching it.

I am SO damn tired. My eyes...I can't hardly see. But I did it to myself so I won't lose hours over it. I knew what I was doing when I left my house yesterday, when I got in line, when I went in the club, when I got my drinks. So, now, I pay the price.

And oh my goodness! I saw a piece of the rerun of America's Next Top Model. I think that has to be the funniest episode I have ever seen of that show. Xiomara and Shandi 'bout to damn die 'cause they gotta hold their breath?! Now that was PURE COMEDY! LOLOLOLOLOLOLMAOLOLOLOLOLOLMAO!!!!

Sorry. Not right to laugh at their terror. But I mean really. I don't know how to swim but I sho'll know how to hold my breath under water.

Coffee is nasty to me now. Just to think, I used to survive off of coffee. I haven't had it in quite a while though so now it's nasty. Or maybe my tongue is all messed up from the liq. I'm glad I don't drink the ish on my own 'cause if I did, I'd most likely be an alcoholic right now.

I'll come back later when I'm sober.

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