2004-01-22 - 9:13 a.m.

My head is still hurting.

And my weight is down two pounds with no exercise or major change in my eating habits... (2 pounds may not sound like a lot but my weight has been static for over a month).

I'm hoping that I'm not stressing myself out to the point where my thyroid starts acting up again.

And I'm being so hypocritical too 'cause I keep saying I'm trusting God (which I really really am) in this situation, but I'm still allowing myself to be stressed by it.

I guess I just can't stand the stress and strain of going to different places and being given the runaround. I detest people who waste my time by lying to me when I'm sitting in their face, completely knowing the truth about the situation.

I will never marry a car salesman. If I meet one and he loves me and really wants to be with me, he'll have to quit his damn job.

This headache is not going away. I haven't taken an aspirin in years but I'm 'bout to pop an Ibuprofen real quick. My eyes are hurting 'cause I'm not sleeping correctly...

I'm just so pissed at the guy that hit me. If he didn't hit me, I wouldn't be going through all this crapola right about now...

But it's for a reason, girl. Remember. Everything that happens is for a reason.

I am holding onto that. Even though my first car stressed me all the way to the hospital, I damn-near cried when I had to let that car go 'cause it had me so much stronger... Damn, I miss that car!

I need to make a new CD. The dudes were comforting me for a little while but I had to take the CD out the CD player yesterday. I just didn't feel like hearing those kinds of thoughts for a little while.

I wanna do somethin' similar but opposite now. Musiq's "Mary Go 'Round" is gonna be the center of that CD. 'Nuff said.

I caught the very end of America's Next Top Model last night, which wasn't the same as seeing the whole thing... Blah... Where the hell is Adrian anyway?!?!

I GOT to go back to school this fall. GOT TO. I can't live another year like this - working full-time. I like being in school 'cause I have classes taking up some of my time, work taking up some of my time and then I have time I can devote to internships or even other outside work.

I have fun when I'm in school 'cause I control my time. If I don't feel like goin' to class, I won't. If I don't feel like goin' to work, I won't. I always felt like goin' to my internships though. I have one prospect waiting on me already...

Shoot, I might even start school in the summer if I can. Why the hell not?!

First things first, though. Gotta get an application. LOL. My first choice, I don't doubt I'll get in there. That's probably why I'm procrastinating so much with it. Maybe I'll even reach out to my second choice (my alma mater)... We'll see. All of this will be done as soon as I finish this whole car process. I mean AS SOON AS I finish!

"Head, shoulders, knees and toes, knees and toes..."

* crickets *

I had another weird dream the other night. I was driving real fast at night on this huge freeway. A big curve was coming up but I was determined to continue going faster than I ever have. I took the curve but refused to brake so I could slow down. The car spun completely out of control and I was ejected (all of this, I remember actually feeling).

My body flew through the air and then proceeded to approach a cement road. Right before my physical body hit the ground, my spirit/soul hopped out. My body was falling face-down and so was my spirit/soul. My spirit/soul was watching my physical body as it fell then crashed to the floor. My spirit/soul was still in the air at this point.

I tried to guide my spirit/soul towards my body but it was rejected and my spirit/soul gracefully floated down to the ground face-down.

I woke up as soon as my spirit/soul touched the ground. My heart was hurting, I was so afraid I had died for real... I think it's a good sign though, the dream. Usually, when bad things happen in a dream, it's a good sign. So I'm hoping (kinda knowing) that it's a sign of good things to come.

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