Saturday, Oct. 07, 2023 - 2:03 p.m.

Just looked at my buddylist on here. Miss keeping up with my dland peeps.

On another note, 26 days since my last post. And it feels like it. Whew.

Life been LIFING like a muthasucka! I am exhausted. Well, the exhaustion ain't nothing new but still. LOL

Well, LOL and *cries*.

While it's fresh: a neighbor's girlfriend moved in. I've been living in this house for going on 4 years (4 YEARS??!?!?!). When I started living here, he was married and had been for years. Then they separated. Then they divorced. Then he started dating his girlfriend. Now, she's all moved in. It's been so interesting watching someone move into a new phase in their life. Well, both of them, really. He doesn't work as many double shifts as he used to. She's getting more comfortable in her new home. A few new people have moved into the neighborhood over the past 4 years but I don't have the view like I do to my neighbor and his girlfriend - they live directly across from me. So I see everything. It's just so interesting.

It's funny, because I know they are all watching me. The neighbors I speak to are not shy about letting me know they be clocking my every move. LMAO! But I appreciate 'em because they keep an eye on things. So I'm grateful.

This last almost month has been....trying. My aunt's very recent son-in-law unexpectedly passed. That was the craziest two weeks between his passing and the services. Like, unreal. It's really sad because we just met the man and were getting to know him. Now he's gone. He was less than a year younger than me with 5 children. I was thinking how awesome he was doing with his older son. He made the BEST baked chicken and I kept telling him that too. Mmmm. SMH Very sad for his wife and children. His dad too. It's just very sad all around.

I keep saying when I get to Heaven, I gotta talk to God about this earthly sadness and suffering. Because, LORD. It be so much. Between the grief and the depression and the hurt.... So much. Life was not promised to be easy but goodness gracious.

My Lord.

In addition to regular life, this professional development program.......... Hammurcee! I'm doing part-time job hours on this thang. And it's a group project. I am getting an idea of how easygoing I truly am. I do not overcomplicate anything. Now, granted, sometimes I oversimplify things and end up just making things work when more details could have added to the event. But at the end of the day, it gets done and the human part is all accomplished. But honey, these people!? The details become a spiderweb we all get trapped in. And then people are so distracted with their lives, it's hard to make progress on anything. But I wanted this and I'm committed to it so gonna get it done. I'm just being worn out and getting worn down in the process. :@

I volunteered for an event with the nonprofit we're working with; a gala this evening, 5pm to 2am shift. LAWD! Why did I feel the need to volunteer?!? It's for a good cause but my goodness, am I truly tired! I've not been looking forward to this because of how tired I am and how much work it will be. But it's really to benefit the children and someone has to do it so, here I go.

Do I think I be adding logs or bricks to my mansion in heaven? Is that what propels me to do good things? I'm just trying to figure this out. 'Cause a lot of people wouldn't subject themselves to the things I do in general. So what is really driving me? Is it for selfish reasons? I'm just tryna understand me right now. Because I'm too tired for this and still bout to go do it. So make it make sense, somebody, 'cause I don't necessarily understand.

My aunt in the facility is not doing good. Her sister was told she should put her in hospice. Then her sister up and left town (which she told my mom and I yesterday afternoon....when she called from out of town to ask us to go see my aunt). So... I just... I went and saw my aunt Thursday night (narrowly escaped being rear-ended on the expressway, by the way). She looked rough but she has looked rough for a while so I don't know what to think. She's just not doing well in general. And everytime she starts getting on a better path, she gets sicker again.

So I don't know what God's plan is for her. I feel like she's suffering and that it's kinda a reflection on the way she has treated people all along. Not that she deserves it because absolutely no one does and it can happen to any of us. But people do not feel sorry for her. It's sad. I feel sorry for her but I also recognize how she has done people all along. She's even still verbally abusive to even me at times, so I get it. But it's just a sad situation overall. Honestly, I have thoughts sometimes that her daughter got peace from her mother when she passed. And that's sad. I think her daughter's husband feels the same. I sometimes wonder if he will be upset if my aunt passes because his wife didn't get long enough of peace in Heaven. I pray that Heaven is truly a place where you forget how people made you feel on earth.

Ok, let me start getting ready. My plan is to leave early enough to park and not have to literally run to the place because I'm late. I want to be a few minutes early so I can leisurely arrive. The night will be soooooo long that I'm sad thinking about it. Hopefully it flies by.

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