Sunday, Sept. 03, 2023 - 5:42 p.m.

Whew.

August flew by, ain't it?! Sheesh!

It's the Sunday before Labor Day. I'm home, alone. My mom has been livinnnnggg at her house for a full two weeks now. I'm so proud of her! Feeding herself, keeping herself together. This is good for both of us. I've been so busy, I haven't had much time to miss her here at my house. Between work (super busy), a friend's dad passed so keeping up with him and that entire process through the services then the week after his dad's services, his partner ended up in the hospital and is now on dialysis (!! so young; from a muscle injury). Life has just been a lot lately. A whoooole lot.

Whew.

Sometimes I get a lil sad thinking of how overwhelming Life is and how it doesn't seem to let up. I felt like that on Friday because I was running errands but also wanted to visit my friend and his partner at the hospital (not long after I arrived, he was discharged so that was definitely a pleasant surprise). But then yesterday was a lovely day! It was peaceful and peacefilled. I went and got my mom to run a few errands and then visit my aunt in the nursing home. She was doing better than the last time we saw her, so that was nice to see. Took my mom to dinner then came home after stopping by one last store. Spent a quiet Saturday evening at home. It was really a lovely day! Then today has been quiet, restful and peaceful.

It's like I just have to remember that some days are gonna be insane. Just accept that and look forward to the few that are truly peaceful and quiet for rejuvenation. God knows what He's doing.

In other news just as a point of closure: I got a chance to tell SJ what I wanted to tell him long ago. I reached back out. Couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to even though I knew I shouldn't. I just had to see if something in him had changed. I guess I'm just so optimistic that we all... Nah, I just hoped against hope that he had changed. He had not. This was an opportunity to see that. I told him I have no intention of ever seeing him again and listed the reasons why. None were new to him, of course. It was moreso for me. But I explained that I would block him for good so I don't get tempted to reach out and see if he has changed in the future (because I know he won't). And I did block him, so whatever response was sent, if any, I have no idea what it was and that is for the very best. Not going to explain how I was able to see he reached out again the next day. But it was different because I had absolutely no desire to respond. I said what I said and there is nothing else left to say on either side. So I'm glad this is finally done. I'm not a door and if I was, there's a deadbolt lock on it.

Being human's hard on the boulevard.

The Blue Moon was this past Thursday. A tarot reader I follow said to pay attention to dreams. Well, I surely have been having some very vivid dreams! Nothing problematic, just a lot going on, attending events and things. LOL I guess that's what I enjoy so makes sense if my dreams are a prediction that this is what the future has in store. I had a WILD dream immediately upon falling asleep last night. Goodness gracious. I want to detail it but then again.... Whew, honey! I mean, it was just a dream but it was sooooo....realistic!

Ok, fine. This dude JM, I was thinking about him and his business yesterday. That's it, that's all. Well, he made his way right into that dream. From behind, he pressed me up against a wall or corner. I could feel his erection pressing into me. There is a woman that leads a sex podcast. She came and stood in front of me and demanded I kiss her. I followed her instructions. I could feel her tongue as I responded to her kiss. She demanded that I kiss lower but I already felt guilty enough kissing her, a woman! I've never kissed a woman but
I knew I was enjoying kissing this one and felt strongly attracted to her. I didn't get a lot oft time to feel guilty because I realized JM was behind me, preparing himself for entry. I was thinking about my situation and how I couldn't let him enter me raw but then he announced he was already sheathed and ready to go. I could feel his penis seeking entry. Then I realized I was already following her instructions, kissing down her chest. Our eye contact was crazy and intoxicating. I mean, like really, really. She was insistently coaching me. Just as a I got close to her navel, I felt JM about to slip inside but it wasn't right to me so I woke myself up.

I woke up feeling completely winded. It felt like the oxygen had been panini-pressed out of my whole body. Parts of me actually felt sore, like I'd had to climb out of a deep place to awaken. I checked the time and found I'd only been asleep for about 20mins. I could feel an energy in the hallway leading to my bedroom. I don't know who or what it was but it stayed outside the door. I was so tired, I fell right back to sleep. I don't recall dreaming anything else.

So, yeah. This pisces moon has definitely activated my dream world. Well, at least there's some excitement in MyLife on that end. Because the day-to-day real world Life is certainly plain these days.

That dream was so damn wild! Wow.

Anywhoo. MyLife has felt very vanilla albeit a little chaotic lately. I'm going to spend the evening trying to do a bit of planning out this week to reduce any anxieties I have about the week. 'Cause it's a lot going on between the leadership program I'm in, my regular stuff I have going on with work and family, travel coming up in a few weeks and my strong desire to join the freaking gym (which I need to just go ahead and get done this doggone week!). Hopefully some planning will help me feel more in control on the days where it feels like I'm suspended in mid-air, caught in a whirlwind.

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