"I put that on my mama, on my hood: I look fly! I look good!"
Wednesday, Aug. 16, 2023 - 11:38 p.m.
Today was crazy. Just a lot of stuff to do all day. The program I'm participating in for the Fall took up literally half the day.
I'd just finished meeting 2 of 3 for the day; it'd ended early. I looked at the phone and it was 12:34pm. I said, "Awwww, look at that." because 1234 is supposed to mean one is on the right path. So on the heels of 2 meetings related to this program, I felt really encouraged that this is the right thing for MyLife at this time. I appreciated the universe's and my ancestors and God's encouragement to me in that moment!
As I sat basking in that feeling, looking at 12:34 in the top left corner of the screen, a text popped up on the screen: that fool. SMH I could not believe it. I think I even exclaimed, "REALLY?!" How could I be making good progress with leaving this nigga in the past for good, taking steps to (keep) mov(ing) MyLife in the right direction and have the doggone devil testing me at the very same moment?!
Here I am, trying to listen to my ancestors and do what they say do and yet, I'm being tested. Why?! Maybe it's to make sure I do what they said to do - leave well enough alone.
I briefly struggled with what to do. Was I supposed to respond? Was it a test and I was supposed to pass it to confirm I am on the right path? Ultimately, I deleted the text and moved on. Which wasn't hard because the day was so dayum busy. Whew.
He's going to keep testing. It's funny because I was just saying I ain't gon' block him but now I see I'ma have to do just that to keep myself in line. And it's not about ever seeing him again physically. I don't want to see him again. Have no interest. I am only interested in communication. But that's only because it's available, not that I'd be so stimulated by him mentally.
Not worth anymore headache or aggravation.
If this is a test, I'm tryna pass it. Give me some credit, Lord. Please. (And hear my cry from the other day, ok? You know the one I'm talking about. Thank you.)
Anywhoosies. I'm off work tomorrow and Friday. Using up some PL. Taking these days off creates hecticity at work but the time gotta be used if I don't want it just paid out. Still gonna end up with a week paid out. But that's better than 2 weeks paid out. I'd rather use the time than take the money. This next fiscal year, I'll take off one day a month consistently. That should keep me from having to rush at the end. Gonna take my mom to urgent care to make sure she doesn't have a virus or something - she's had a cold for three weeks now. It's her first cold since chemo, so just want to be safe than sorry. Friday is a viewing/wake and Saturday is a funeral for a friend's father.
Life, man. Life.