Monday, Aug. 14, 2023 - 5:24 p.m.

Boy, that fool knew exactly what he was doing. SMH And so did I. We both knew that lil check-in was to keep him on my mind. And it worked. SMH

I had to talk to God and my ancestors, that was the only way to not contact him over the past few days. And I had to leave God alone about it for a minute and only talk to my ancestors. But then I remembered God is a jealous God so I went back to him with it too.

Kinda cuckoo that this has been a challenge. Like, 3 times, I was right there. About to start the mess up all over again. Yesterday, my ancestors were responding, chyle. They was like, "Why?! You won't be doing anything but prolonging NOTHING." Like, literally, that's what they were saying to me. And I still - still, as in current - want to reach out.

I don't have any other distractions. I need another distraction. And a good, positive one. One that's safe and platonic, at least for now. Tito is there but he has a girlfriend. I need someone unencumbered but still for platonic purposes. I just want a man to talk to and hang out with. I'm not even comfortable getting romantically or physically involved with a man right now. Not at all. That's gonna take some time to get back around to. I'm mentally not ready.

So for now, I just want a male friend. But heterosexual, because I would like to experience chemistry. But a genuine, platonic chemistry for now. Not sexual; not at first, anyway. I just need a safe place for now. I need that distraction, I desire that energy in my life.

Typically, what I desire finds its way to me so I am living in expectation. Despite the thoughts that I've been praying for a mate all this time and......... Yeah. So I'm working through these thoughts, trying to combat them with other positive ones. Especially that MyLife is destined to be amazing. So I will be receiving an amazing partner one day. IIIIIiiiiii would just much prefer that be quite immediately sooner than later. *looks up* Lord, IJS.

I have to believe my desires desire me. I have to. It's been proven true over and over. It's an indisputable fact at this point. And I have to believe it to be so in every area of MyLife, not just financial, not just career, not just living life. But yes, even in the romantic. Even in the physical. Everything I desire desires me.

Period!

Took today off to use up some PL. I'm a couple hours in on a partial piece of eddy. My fingers are FLYING over this keyboard! Whew! And I got around to two things I had been procrastinating on as well as 2 loads of laundry (and probably one or two more later, as well as changing my bed). I'm a fan of eddy life but they make me HONGRY. Even if I've eaten. It feels like a whole has been opened in my stomach so I won't be able to indulge in these often or I'd end up bigger than a house.

I am lazing around today. My goal is not to leave my yard. I may even aim not to walk outside, hell. It's hot as heck out there anyways. Everytime I look at the temperature, there is a heat advisory.

In other news, it had been about 2.5 weeks since I'd seen my aunt in the facility. We were traveling, I had the leadership program going, my mom was sick. So just got out there yesterday. Thankful she appeared to be doing sooooo much better. Thank God. I pray she remains stable in her mind and body.

Alrighty. I'ma lie down on the couch and veg out for a lil before I get to cooking and straightening up a bit more. I am so loving this freaking day off!

To the good of all and the harm of none, I can't wait to be fully retired early, still with excellent non-retirement income(s). It's coming, I can feel it. And I will take full advantage of it!

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