"You don't have trials and tribulations. You have activations and experiences." - IC
Monday, Jul. 10, 2023 - 9:12 a.m.
The Hood Healer recently said, "You don't have trials and tribulations; you have activations and experiences."
That spoke to me. It resonated with me deeply. Was just telling a friend how it seems like I ask God for clarity and boy, does He take me under the river and through the woods to give me that clarity. There's always a detailed, itemized list of the steps it took for God to answer my question. Usually the steps have their own lessons/information attached as well.
It's rarely a simple "yes" or "no" response. Always overly complicated. At least that's how it seems. And even then, it's sometimes not 100% clear. Those times, it's likely because I'm still questioning God if His answer was final. SMH.
Even still, I was just thinking how I enjoy the path of MyLife. There's much of it that has been mind-blowing, so full of joy and revelation. There have been moments where I understood my purpose. Moments where I've thought that if this is all I came to do in this earth assignment, I feel fulfilled (saving lives, helping others win/succeed, bringing a genuine smile to another's face, helping someone figure some tough shit out, etc).
Of course, there have also been devastating chapters of this existence. The times I didn't know if I could make it through what was happening or what happened, where I wondered why, out of the billions of people on Earth, I (or my mom) had to be the one(s) to experience it. Sitting next to my dead stepfather on the kitchen floor, holding my dead baby cousin as the breath literally left his tiny body, an older dying cousin silently mouthing he did not want to die, people falling from the sky and landing in front of my doggone car - the driver dying in front of my eyes... Like, why I had to go through those things? Why?? So much death, so much existing right by death. And sickness. Also the violation of my childhood body. Why me?!?! WHYYYY!!!?!??!! Ugh.
Ugh.
But even with all that. And all the struggles I am working through because of all that, my eyes have seen so many wonders. So many beautiful sights. And met so many amazing people - from truly kind to truly brilliant to truly unique. So many - feels like millions. And then, on top of all that, I get to listen to music that sends chills through my body; watch a mango tree blossom them bud then fruit and start all over again while hosting birds and their nests, squirrels, iguanas, bugs and everything that comes with nature; experience euphoria in so many ways. Understand what true peace is. Experience amazing nights and fun times that I can recall with fondness, wonder and awe.
This was all triggered by a simple quick thought, of wondering why (as I've often done through the years) I was selected to grow in this body with this face and these issues. Didn't really have time to even ponder on that before my brain launched into gratefulness at having such an interesting life journey. And still stuck on that part - MyLife has been so friggin' interesting! To me anyway, but in general too. The stories I can tell, experiences I've had, money I've seen! Chyle, the MIRACLES I've witnessed!!!! Whew!! Like, me?? These things have happened to ME?!?! Oh, okay!
*Wrote the above last night. Finishing now while waiting for my mom to have her colonoscopy.*
My life be lit. Been lit. Long time. From childhood to now. Lit lit. It's been a PATH. A JOURNEY, BABY! I'm grateful. It's been MYLIFE. My version, my way, just for me. Lord, just for me. I'm grateful.
Truly, truly grateful.