Monday, Jul. 03, 2023 - 1:09 a.m.

Couple days ago, remembered that after dinner that first night, SJ mentioned sex. I told him I wouldnt want to have sex with him because I wouldn't want his grief being transfered to my body.

I've been thinking about the significance of that. It's like his grief, his karma...so much of the negative parts of him were transfered to me via sex. There's other things he said early on that looking back were absolutely signs to leave him alone. I've been reflecting on that too.

After the incidents at the house, I stopped speaking to him. That was my chance to avoid it all but alas... *sigh* Anywhoo, I fell weak after the stress I was enduring. When I reopened the line of communication, he revealed he'd just suffered a huge burn on his arm. I'd felt he was going to suffer some kind of repercussion. Intuition told me he would, I wasn't wishing it on him. Seeing that he did was just confirmation of those feelings.

I was thinking about that burn last night. Hadn't thought about it, probably since when it happened more than a year ago. But I thought about it last night, just as I was falling asleep.

When I suffered burns on two of my fingers today (while cooking grits, no less!), I thought about his burn and how I'd just thought about it before going to sleep last night. Kinda weird.

I had a couple dreams last night of people breaking into where I was staying. Not sure of the connection there, if any.

SJ's energy is attached to my body. I'ma have to do something to clear it out.

In other news, I am receiving so many messages from God and my ancestors and the universe to abandon the idea of perfection. It aligns with my theme for 2023, which is "Imperfectly Me". I have it written across the top of my vision board, which is hanging in my bedroom. I don't look at it everyday but know it's there. When I think about the topics, I look up and am reminded that the message I'm receiving is confirming what I want for myself.

It's time I truly begin to love myself. I deserve my love. I deserve love, period. But most of all, I deserve the love I would give to anyone else. I de-muthafuckin-serve.

I'm working on tapping in with my ancestors. There was a recent opportunity I was ready to chase. I tried to start the chase and technology refused to cooperate. Then there was a miscommunication with someone I needed to involve in the chase. So I stepped back. I said, "God and my ancestors, if this is something ya'll want for me, ya'll will bring it to me." I retreated from the chase. I gave it to that powerful group and moved on with my life. Not a week later, I literally got a phone call that the opportunity was coming to me. That was a couple weeks back. On Friday, it was confirmed that the opportunity belongs to me.

I didn't have to stress. I didn't worry. I literally submitted my request to "MyTeam" and let it go. And they did what they do. And it's done. So I've learned and will continue to learn to let them handle it ALL. I don't want to chase anymore. They are in control of the ship. Let me sit myself in my seat and buckle up for the RIDE, BABY! :-)

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