"Funny, I can still smell you in my dreams. You should be gone. You should be gone..."
Friday, Jun. 23, 2023 - 11:09 p.m.
I'ma forget everything if I don't get something down soon.
Wow. I did it. I went on vacation. AND LOVED IT!!!! I had such a good time! OMG! Just the freedom and the P E A C E ! ! ! ! WHEWWWW!!!! I checked out from my life for more than a week, checked into adventure and loved it.
Oh my God, I needed that so bad. I really, really needed it. I was so overwhelmed. There was no way I was going to make it through the rest of the year without this chance to decompress.
I arrived on a Saturday after a super long day of travel. The uber driver that took me to the airport was falling asleep at the wheel on I95, that's how early I had to head to the airport. Then I had a 4hr layover in Atlanta. The journey was just too long. LOL
At the airport, I had to stand in the longest line in history to get a rental car. Then I got the rental car and it was in poor condition - dirty and smelled like weed. Thankfully, I had only made it down the street before realizing. So after leisurely strolling around Dollar Tree and walking in and immediately out of a grocery store (that was so dark and scary, I had to get out), I turned around and returned the car for another.
Now, this is where I knew my trip was going to be great. I'd rented the smallest car class to save on costs. I'd been hoping to get a free upgrade but baby, that didn't happen. I wasn't going to be happy with the car I received just from a driving it perspective. But I knew what I signed up for so I was ready to just deal with it. Well, with the headache it was to return the car, the lady took pity on me and "changed" me into a Toyota Prius. That was the BIGGEST BLESSING I didn't know I needed!!!! The car was so comfortable to drive. In the end, I paid a grand total of.....$35 for gas for the entire freaking trip!!!!! AMAZING! God is so good! I'm still so grateful for that!! OMG!!!
But yeah. I'd gone back and forth with myself about returning the car but quickly thought to myself, "I'm paying for this with my money. I deserve to drive a clean non-smelly car." Shoulda been my first thought but at least it came fairly quickly rather than way late. And I was immediately shown the benefit of sticking to what I want and holding a standard/boundary. Beautiful experience and outcome.
I'd already gone by Dollar Tree but not the grocery store. Wanted to stock up on a few things to make my stays more comfortable. I figured what I didn't use, I could just carry from state to state (ultimately the blueberries and cherries I'd bought in Little Rock made it back to Miami - LOL). Virtually everything came in handy in the end except a bag of apples. After that trip to the grocery store, everything else was purely vacation.
By the next day, I could feel my brain matter relaxing. Like, I could literally feel the space between the wavy folds of the flesh of my brain start to expand. Like my brain finally had room to breathe. Like my brain finally had room to do what a brain is designed to do: think. Except I refused to think. I didn't want my brain to have that kind of exercise for a while. So I gave it a break.
I vegged out. I took it easy. I didn't make any hard decisions because I let the days take me where they would. If that looked like sitting on the couch until my body felt like it wanted to get up off the couch, then that's what it was. If that looked like walking two miles back and forth across a bridge for the experience and the views, then that's what it was.
That freedom was everything. Not being bound by time - time to wake up, time to go to this meeting, time to run here or there, how there isn't enought time in a day. Didn't have any of those feelings. Well, except as it relates to food. Because everything closes early in the places I visited, which I was NOT prepared for! LOL
Oh yeah, this trip also reminded me of how much I simply do not know. So much I don't know simply by virtue of where I live. But also because of what I haven't learned. Just sooooo much. And I enjoyed learning it all. It was so exciting! Even at a distillery I visited, I made the tour guide excited with my excitement! LOLOL I felt like my brain was expanding and had room to learn without feeling overburdened. It was amazing.
Learning. I learned the whole time. Learned a lot about myself, of course:
I anticipated a big epiphany. Didn't feel like I arrived at one. Just feel like I got to appreciate myself more than I do. I think when I'm home - when I'm here in Miami - I am so stretched that I don't think about me. I don't get to do a lot of thinking about me. Just me. I'm always focused on everyone else. So the trip was an opportunity just to focus on me. I was able to focus on me. And I loved it. It felt good. It felt right, it felt fair. I felt like the explorer I am at heart. Like the observer I am at heart. Like the student of life that I am. It was good to me. Very good to me.
It's kinda crazy how wild the days have been since I got back home. So much is happening but I don't feel as stressed had this all been going on before the trip. I was only at work two days this week but they were both packed and insane. My mom had a doctor's appointment (that she truly showed up for herself at, so I'm happy about that). We attended a funeral earlier today as well as saw my hospitalized aunt (also saw her on Tuesday after having my car serviced). There was a major accident yesterday that ended in my yard (thankfully no one was hurt). Like, it's been a lil cuckoo 'round these parts. But I truly feel like that time to decompress is helping me manage everything a little better than I would have otherwise. It's very interesting.
The trip was expensive (!!!) so I am uber grateful to have my lil travel account to absorb that impact. So money was not a worry for me; I was able to focus on having the experience that I wanted versus holding myself back because I couldn't afford it. That felt amazing. Truly.
On a sidenote, listening to a fire mix on soundcloud while writing the last part of this entry. Thinking how cool it would be to smoke to this. Actually, I was just going to use this sidenote to mention that I lost the edibles I bought somewhere in my room so I can't enjoy those now like I could. LOL But then, while typing the sentence before last, I remembered this dude gave me a blunt recently. Won't smoke it now since my mom is here. But I will save this mix to listen to next week and indeed blaze up. Yeah.