Monday, Apr. 24, 2023 - 12:55 a.m.

I've been overwhelmed for weeks. Months. Most of 2023, I've been overwhelmed.

I'm tired.

Mentally exhausted. Physically exhausted.

It's manifesting in a couple ways. I have to start taking care of myself. I only have a few more years before the physical damage that's already been done can't be counteracted. It's already too late for correction. But not too late to create some level of balance in my body.

I need a big breather. A big one.

I'm planning on going to Mississippi, Tennessee and Arkansas in June. I'm going to fly into one state, drive to the two others, then fly back from the last. Probably over a period of 12 days. 4 days each city. Not sure if I'm going to do a hotel or airbnb. I'll figure that out soon. I may book my flights and rental car this week so I get a head start on things. Yeah, I'll do that. I don't want to drag the planning out. I just want to get it done and make the moves.

Didn't realize it until looking at pictures from the past few weeks. In looking, saw that I've been on the move quite a bit. Lots of social things, a couple work things outside of my home office. I been outside and I don't like being outside. But alas.

Loving my new car. Really enjoying it. It is very untidy at the moment, so I need to get that together. Friday I'll take it to the car wash. Grateful to have it since I've had so many places to be lately. Makes the commute much more enjoyable. Just made my first payment today. Whew. Chyle. LOL But ultimately, thank God for provision.

I look forward to paying off my house and my car in five years at the same damn time! Wooohooo!! It's coming.

Speaking of house, it's a mess right now. Very uncouth. My mom will be going home this week so that will open up time, attention and space that I can dedicate to getting it back in order. Looking forward to that.

Think I'm going to sign up for the gym this week too. This has been a long time coming. My health insurance offers a discount so I have absolutely no excuse, particularly once my mom goes back home.

The last few weeks, my aunt has been added to the things I am involved in. I am slowly working to create a boundary there. I will go to see her twice a week but not more than that. I can't afford to mentally or physically do more than that. The place she is in is extremely depressing, she is not in good condition but her attitude is still the same as it's been, picking up her elderly sister adds to the load. I just....I can't. So yeah. Twice a week will allow me to not feel bad about her having no one to visit or see about her other than her elderly sister while still having time to breathe.

I hate the idea of putting down one responsibility for another. But Life just don't stop. Life be like!!! Goodness gracious. SMH. Dr. Tito told me I CHOOSE to go see her. He said most people CHOOSE not to visit their loved ones in the hospital because it's depressing, including him. Good Lord. That caused me to blink like crazy. People think that's ok. And I guess it is. People CHOOSE to do what they want to everyday. We have free will. I would think people would CHOOSE to help others but I guess people can CHOOOSE to help others in the way they want to and not in the ways they don't. And it's all fine because what else can it be?

Chyle. Let me mind my business because I sure have my own things to worry about.

*sigh*

*deep Negro spiritual sigh*

Just popping in to say a couple thangs. It's late and I need some sleep for the weeks ahead.

Jesus, be a fence.

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