"And if you wanted the moonlight, I'd give you that too."
Tuesday, Apr. 04, 2023 - 10:34 p.m.
Day 17 and time. is. flying! Goodness gracious. How did we already get to the last days of the Fast?!?! Wow!
Each year, I start to feel like the Fast is getting "easier". At this point, my brain understands the process. So it doesn't feel as "hard" as it did the first several years. It's weird 'cause I feel like I should be suffering through this. Like, am I sacrificing if it doesn't "hurt"? My mind has the image of people striking themselves on the backs with whips.
Then again, is the point to suffer or just to sacrifice? Even further, is the point the activity itself or the purpose, which is to grow closer and spend more time and to focus? Yeah. Just answered my own question.
Am I doing the purpose? Somewhat. I feel like I can definitely be doing it much more than I am. Like, I can be reading the Bible more, I can be praying more, I can be avoiding thoughts I shouldn't be thinking more. But I also know God knows my heart and sees what I am actually doing. I believe He honors that.
I'm trying.
I'm trying.
I do miss my meat though. And cheese. And CHOCOLATE - haven't had chocolate since Feb 26th!
But anywhoo.
Today was my mom's last appointment for the next almost TWO MONTHS!! There's one that got rescheduled from yesterday to May but I've asked her to push it out of May. That way, I get that whole month to not have to go to a facility.
I need to find some happy. I need to smile every day. I need to have JOY in my heart. I need to. I need to. I need to. Last week and the last year have been so hard. So hard. I'm ready for enjoyment. God, help me have enjoyment.
As I got to the end of putting that rack together for my kitchen, I had the worst pain in my back that I possibly have ever had. It hasn't gone away yet. I'll go get it looked at if it extends into next week.
Ok. I need to get to sleep at a decent time. Lot of work to get done tomorrow. Long day ahead.