"No more messing around, no more shying away, we're both feeling the same: I want you exclusively."
Sunday, Jun. 12, 2022 - 10:28 p.m.
Put my hand back on the burner and again got burned.
Yesterday, on the way to his house, every stop light seemed to turn red. It was to the point where I was like, "Is this a sign or something??" Yes.
Then when I got to his house, he wasn't there yet. I was wondering if it was a setup or what. Just as I pulled off because I didn't want to wait anymore, he pulled up so I turned back around.
His hands are magic. If I could enter a relationship with them alone, I would.
But alas....
So last night revealed that despite the tale he'd tried to spin after the previous encounter, the woman is actually his situation. I'm not sure exactly who she is but she has at least one child with him. I know of the three children he has; wondering if this is the mother of a fourth. Because he is officially divorced from his ex-wife, the mother of the three children.
I hate that he couldn't be truthful. I hate that this woman was out of her bed, in the streets, knocking on the window of her baby daddy's bedroom because she saw "the same car" as the last time parked in front of his house at two in the morning. I hate that her friend had to be out of her bed, doing a ride-by with a woman checking in on what her baby daddy was doing late in the night.
I hate that my mom didn't want me to go over there because she had a feeling I wouldn't be safe but I just had to go anyway. And then find her feeling confirmed.
I'm sad that the desire for physical touch, for intimacy, for that level of escape was so strong, I allowed myself to be in that situation. That makes me sad.
But I had SUCH a good time. I don't regret the decision because I got precisely what I wanted. I'm even disappointed that I won't be able to have it anymore. (Really disappointed about that- magic hands.) So I slept fine last night.
But still.
It's hard to believe I experienced this level of drama while I was busy minding my business. It's a shame I did not see the entire situation for what it was. I've learned men can be highly attracted to peace. They can want yours so bad they take it from you. I can't be so naive or willing to give mine away.
As much as I think I know, everyday I learn I don't know squat.