Monday, Apr. 26, 2021 - 1:40 p.m.

Took the second shot. I tell ya, the anxiety.... Whew. Wasn't ready.

The unknown of how one's body will react to a substance not much is known about was a bit scary. Especially considering there is no info available on how it interacts with medication I'm taking, much less my medical condition. And also hearing so much about peoples' reactions. Lawd. Thank God, I didn't feel any significant effects. I'm grateful. My energy stayed up, my heartrate was a liiiiitle higher than normal but way lower than when my thyroid acts up. I have a raised area on my arm that is a clean 2 inches away from where I got the actual shot. So that's interesting. Otherwise, a-ok and I'm grateful.

A coworker passed away last week and that's been.....weird. We worked together a lot, a lot, although we were not close. He was not old, lived a very full life and was completely dedicated to his family. His loss is significant for our overall team. With not being onsite, it's weird in that I haven't seen him in well over a year. He would not even appear on camera for meetings for a while, so I have literally not seen him in ages. It's like he's gone but the separation makes it seem like maybe he's still living his life, just taking time off? I'm sure this is just how my brain is processing his loss. My heart aches for his family, especially his children whom he adored and invested so much of himself in. RIP Theo.

Always the reminder to live and enjoy this life. Once it's over, that's it.

I'm back to tired of being fat. I have a food addiction that I need to break. Will be focusing on this going forward. I gotta break outta this to live my best life.

Writing this while at the ophthalmologist. A man was trying to holla while I was waiting for my name to be called. He started out the convo with information that let me know he could not offer me anything. The rest of the convo he dragged out only further proved this. I was not interested and told him as much when asked if he could give me his phone number. Of course, with a "thank you" on the end. He was prepared to keep trying but the universe intervened and my name was called. BYE.

It's funny that the idea a woman could be happily single is such a foreign concept that it's unbelievable. I would love to be coupled but am not in a place where I'm willing to settle to be in a relationship. I'd like to be blown away and feel that I deserve to be blown away. Why should I be expected to have anything other than that experience? Like, I'm 40. I just don't see myself diving into a situation that ain't gon' benefit me at this point. And ain't about to apologize for that stance either.

A friend whose seemingly sole purpose over the past several years has been to get married went through way too much to get married (in my opinion). The husband done turned around and told her he don't know if he wants to be married to her - don't even know if that's what he ever wanted. So now, she's sitting around, waiting for him to make up his mind. God bless their union but I just can't see me able to deal with anything of the sort. I just don't.

I don't want to be single for the rest of my life (in my Isyss voice). But I do want to have peace and be happy. Period.

the last - the next