Tuesday, Jan. 24, 2017 - 5:39 p.m.

I was praying as I began my commute to work this morning. I was asking God to help me open my heart. It is closed, locked down, on the sick and shut-in list. And I want to change. So I asked him to help me.

That made me think back to Jerramy and how he was the first guy to officially open up my heart. Before him, I engaged with guys but didn't ever attempt to make any kind of emotional connection. I didn't really see a need for it. But Jerramy, the Capricorn, pulled it out of me. All the way. Made me realize what I had been doing, keeping the door closed. Gave me curiosity about what life would feel like with the door open - a reason to try.

Then let me down. At least I can't remember how the disappointment felt; I know it hurt at the time. I recall it occuring. And then the door started to close, although it would always be left slightly ajar.

I still tell him Happy Birthday. He's still happy to hear it.

Life is so funny.

AReid had been insisting for the past 3 weeks that we need to talk offline about some work stuff. My days at work are too crazy to entertain dedicating an hour to his babble about himself, if it were to go there. So I suggested today's lunch hour.

It's funny because I'm reading these romance novels and, in so many ways, he fits the bill of the main characters - strong men, powerful, intelligent, handsome, clean-cut, impressive financials. He's all of that. I know I've written it here as well, that when I wrote out the Perfect Guy, he fit that bill too. But that nigga can talk about himself like nobody can. Gahlee! Of course, that's what he did today. When he wasn't talking about himself, it was good conversation. But that was far and in between. He'll make a woman who wants to be kept a great companion one day. But someone that's looking for love? Well, he loves himself too much to love anyone else, I think. Or maybe he needs to meet someone who loves themself as much as he loves himself. Maybe they would be the perfect match? Maybe.

On another note, as a minor exercise in self-care, I'm trying to get my feet done every two weeks like clockwork. This line item has always been in my budget but so many pay periods, it gets absorbed because it's gone unused. So far, I've stuck to it since the end of December. It's important to me to do something for myself regularly. I've been neglecting myself for so many years. I have to start paying attention to myself.

I'm working on building myself up to go to Bible Study tonight. I feel like I need to get back into it, but I don't know if my home church is the place. I want to go to a great non-denominational church w/ great gospel music. Haven't found one yet, but I'm looking.

Since Aruba, I've felt this spiritual pulling. It's kinda weird but it's not something I haven't experienced before. I'll write about it when I write about Aruba, but God spoke to my spirit there through the sun. Someone else who experienced it articulated it without me saying a word about the experience - the same happened to them, there. I just want to take advantage of this pulling while it's here. I don't know what it's trying to do, but I don't want it to fade before I tap into it.

Okay, enough for today after the book I put up the other day.

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