Monday, Jan. 23, 2017 - 4:56 p.m.

Just finished the third installment of the Ezra series by Love Belvin. Let me say that I am totally in love with Ezra. Totally. Like, *sigh*. In love.

But for real, I feel like Love Belvin wrote that whole series just for me. How could I get caught up in the religious aspects of a romance novel? How can somebody write about sex and religion and have both subjects full of passion and conviction? Sheesh!

I am so thankful to have read that series. Like, for real. Like, I feel like I will think back on those books forever. Like, they may guide my path through love a little bit. Like, I'm serious. Like...... Nah, for real, for real. LOL

So yesterday was my birthday. I started to write something yesterday, but never got around to finishing it.

*copy & paste*

Today is the big 3-6! I'm 36 years old today!

Wooohoo! Yippee!! LOL Ok, I am not all that excited. Not excited at all, to be honest. But I do want to celebrate and acknowledge the fact that God has blessed me with another year. I may not be where I thought I'd be at 36 but I am absolutely in a great place at the moment. I'm truly, truly, truly blessed. I have a relationship with God, my mom is well and financially secure, I'm financially secure, all of my wants and needs are met, I have a family that loves me and friends that are able to deal with my cantankerousness.

*/copy & paste*

The day started off a little rocky. A family friend's husband had been in the hospital since the last time everyone saw him at his niece's (my youngest goddaughter's mother's) wedding. Night before last, he'd started to decline. Yesterday, as I pulled into the garage at work, his wife, who knows I work close, called me to see if I was coming by. I didn't want to answer the call because I thought she might be telling me he passed, which didn't make sense to me because I would expect that call from my aunt, who is best friend. Her voice was so groggy, I couldn't tell what she was saying. Nevertheless, I told her I'd be by. I called my aunt after and, based on that conversation, it appeared he was still alive.

I got to my desk and stepped away for a few minutes. By the time I came back, I had a missed call from my aunt, who I had just spoken to a few minutes before. I knew that meant he passed away. When I called her back, she confirmed. I knew I was going to the hospital to be with the family, even though I didn't want to, especially on my birthday. I had a meeting to go to soon so I immediately left to go to the hospital. When I got there, I just did see his son turning a corner, so I called out to him and he led me to the location.

My mind had already shut down about seeing a freshly dead body. Just as we were walking into the room, the chaplain was preparing to pray. I went over to the wife and tried to offer my condolences. She just cried. It hurt me to see her cry because she's always so strong. :( The chaplain prayed a beautiful prayer. I stayed a few more minutes, then I had to leave for a meeting. The few tears I'd cried made my cheeks sticky and stiff, but I walked with my head high, convincing myself I was unaffected.

Imagine, going to a meeting, having just walked out of a dead person's hospital room. I've convinced myself I'm unaffected by life. I gotta stop that and react so I can get it over with. My God.

Sooo... I really wrote this over a couple days but I'm just getting around to finishing it. LOL I'm going to move on from the last subject.

Well, move on to what, though? Ain't much happen over the weekend. Friday, after work, I took my ass home. As much as I felt like I should go out, I ain't want to. It was into the late night that I was still thinking, I should get up and get my ass out the house. But I didn't. What were my things to do? A poetry lounge? The old faithful club I go to when I wanna hear some ratchet music? Out to eat? Meh. Wasn't sold on any of 'em. I guess the struggle was I was actually feeling pretty good, rested and less stressed than normal, because of my vacation. But all that didn't work, so I just stayed my ass home and read.

Saturday, while I wanted to be outside in the glorious sunshine, I laid in bed for a while then leisurely got up to make breakfast (Sunday was the same, by the way). After breakfast, I pulled myself together enough to go get my hair done. Afterwards, I was supposed to visit a friend who lived near the salon, but they didn't answer. I had lunch, reading and fantasizing about a companion similar to Ezra at ChicFilA. LOL Stopped by Trader Joe's, since there is none near me, but I wasn't impressed. Aldi is enough for me. I did find my favorite ginger beer in there, though, so I got a pack. Headed home and resumed my position on the bed for the rest of the evening.

Sunday, as I mentioned, was a restful and relaxed first half of the day. I was chilling on the couch after breakfast when, out of nowhere, I thought to clean my car. Chylllleeee.... That thang was a mess!

It took damn-near an hour to clean the inside out. I went through everything I could touch. One of the first things I threw away was a pillow that my great-aunt Jen had taken with her to the hospital on what would be her last stay ever. It, along with her purse and some of her linens, had been riding around in the car with me since March 2014. Damn near 3 years, yo. I couldn't bring myself to deal with those items so they just rode around with me everywhere I went for the past few years. Funny thing about those items, she insisted my mom and I take them with her to the hospice unit, even though we tried to convince her that they would not be allowed. We actually had a chuckle when the hospice staff was like, nope, take that stuff back home. LOL I miss that old lady.

But it felt great to clean my car out. I was so excited, I jumped up to take it to the car wash. While there, I realized that I couldn't even recall the last time my car had been to a car wash. It definitely wasn't in the whole of 2016.

It's amazing how having a clean car makes me feel a little lighter. I'm committing to starting to live less cluttered by maintaining my car. It shouldn't look like a homeless person is driving it. There's no excuse for that.

I have some other cleaning (literally) to discuss. Be back soon to dig into that.

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