Monday, May. 23, 2011 - 3:41 p.m.

Gosh, I don't write like I used to at all. �Even my little daily notes to myself, I just don't get around to it. �That's gotta change. �I've got a lot going on in this brain of mine that needs someplace to exit.....

So this past weekend, I went up to Orlando. �I've done quite a bit of travel this year - I'm surprised. �And now I'm broke. �LOL �But anywhoo, back to Orlando.

Last week, I was just feeling SO overwhelmed. �Between helping out my parents, looking after my great-aunt, letting my cousin and her family stay with me and then everything else that had to be planned and executed.... �I was just over it all. �I was exhausted. �I was in zombie-mode. �It wasn't good. �So I just up and said, "I'm going to Orlando."

Thankfully, my friend up there was available this past weekend, so the plan was a go. �I enjoy rides that are not so long. �A 3-4 hour ride where I can just sing and zone out over long stretches of road? �It helps me. �A lot. �Anything longer than that and I start getting restless. �So Orlando is the perfect distance for someone like me.

It's funny, because D was trying to slide herself in on my trip. �I didn't even entertain her attempts at being slick. �I was going solo and that was that on that. �I needed some ME-time, void of anybody else. �That's that only child part of me. �I'm not spoiled in the LEAST but I have definitely come to value my solitude. �I need it more than I don't.

For the most part, the weekend was totally relaxing. �My host wanted to hang out and party both Friday and Saturday nights, whereas I would have just preferred to lay around the house and chill. �I went along with it and thankfully, both nights were a bust so being out didn't kill me. �But I still would rather have been chatting, catching up and watching tv or something.

What got to me about the weekend was that I realized how much I have not been taking care of myself - mainly my appearance. �I saw how much I've been letting myself go. �And I know it's a result of everything that's going on with everybody else. �There's barely any time left for me, so I just started to ignore myself.

In the beginning of all this craziness, I was at least working out steadily. �But then my younger cousin's graduation came around and we went up to Tallahassee for that and from then on, I haven't exercised. �And that was at the end of April. �*sigh* �I had gotten into a great groove and the exercise was REALLY helping me out as far as stress relief and just being better able to cope with all this stuff going on. �So I DEFINITELY have to pick it back up. �I need the exercise soooooo bad.

But yeah, over the weekend, I had to Veet (only because I ran out of my beloved Nair) what seemed like 6 months of overgrown hair. �GEESH! �I seriously don't remember the last time I took care of that aspect of myself. �It was RIDICULOUS. �I also got a pedicure and my eyebrows waxed, which I haven't done in AGES either, even though I've wanted to. �It's just that by the time a little bit of "free" time popped up, I just didn't have the energy to do me. �Which is sad.

I make it a point to still hold onto my social life because, truth be told, it's something I want to give up so I can have just a bit of time for myself. �But at the same time, I can just imagine the kind of HERMIT I'd end up were I to do that. �My social life is my time to enjoy living and experiencing things JUST FOR ME. �I'm not doing for anybody else when I'm out socializing. �I'm doing just for me and me only. �I'm being selfish and it feels GREAT. �If I gave that up, I'm afraid that I'd just lose myself in what everybody else needs (needs, needs, needs, needs).

Like yesterday, right as I was getting ready to leave Orlando and thinking that gosh, now I'm going back home to serving everybody what THEY want/need, I get a call about something somebody needs me to do today. �Ugh. �Nothing better to bring me back to reality. �LOL �*cries*

Anywhoo, my big thing now is just to try and do better about taking care of me. �I felt great this morning at work because I had time to mentally and physically rest over the weekend. �That's huge because the past few weeks, I haven't been able to get out of that morning mental fog because my mind just wasn't strong enough to get over all the craziness that's been going on. �It was different enough that I noticed it, which lets me know Orlando was the perfect thing for me at the time. �I'm very much appreciative of being able to go.

In other news, I'm still being good about DBanks. �:-D �That makes me sooooo happy. �It's getting easier now, as I don't think about him as much as I used to. �It's taking time but I'm not putting pressure on myself to be perfect about thinking about him. �My main thing is to just resist the urge to contact him because I really don't want that cycle starting all over again. �At all.

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