Monday, Feb. 04, 2008 - 12:50 p.m.

So I was unexpectedly put in a position to have to clean my room. LOL!!! I guess that's just the way it goes. Glad it happened though! Geez, I can walk around in the place now! Yay! That's a shame, I KNOW!

I really feel that the state of my room was a reflection of what I was feeling mentally: TOTAL CHAOS. So I'm gonna make an effort to keep my room under control physically and hopefully mentally, I'll reap the rewards.

I just don't understand how so much junk and trash can accumulate in one person's room. It was amazing, the number of huge bags of trash I collected outta there. Amazing.

I also cleaned out my closet, which was something I didn't want to do but it had to be done. I didn't fit not one item of clothing that was hanging up in there. Not one. So I took it all off the hangers and bagged it up and my stepdad's gonna take it all to the Sal.vation Army (I love that name, btw).

It hurt. I came across some GEMS boy! But I figure they'll bring somebody else joy now. I made way for new clothes that fit comfortably and will hopefully soon be too big for me to wear. We'll see how it goes.

I just couldn't believe this one pair of jeans that had busted in the butt back in the day. I had them folded at the top of my closet, I guess at that time thinking I would just sew 'em up and get to wearing them again. Little did I know! Hmph! But DAMN, those jeans were TINY!!! I can't believe I was EVER that size.

I seriously have body dismorphic issues. When I look in the mirror, I don't realize how big I am. It's only when I see the pictures that I realize. It's crazy.

But yeah, my last post before this one was about David. He really pissed me off this weekend. He was all touchy feely in front of EVERYBODY! Did he NOT get the memo that he is my little secret AND THAT'S HOW WE SHOULD KEEP IT!?!?! Damn. I had to tell him to chill a few times. He lucky people was gettin' tipsy and are more likely to forget what they thought they saw. Otherwise... Boy, I tell ya!

So yesterday I saw Reggie's baby. SO CUTE!!! She got the cutest little big ears. LOL! But seriously, she needs to be doing some baby modeling. I'ma talk to his baby mama about it some more 'cause they could make some money offa her. I picked her up and she just snuggled right on into the gazongas! LOL! Thankfully, Reggie had stepped out for a minute so he wasn't there to witness. That could've been uncomfortable for the both of us. LOL!! While baby was snuggling, she grabbed onto my shirt collar and wouldn't let go even when I tried to give her to mommy so she could eat ('cause I ain't nursin' no babies off these nips of mine). Her mother looked totally alarmed and kept apologizing 'cause baby doesn't normally do that. Oh my goodness, I was crackin' up on the inside!!!

I tell ya, uncomfortableness everyday in my life!

So I think I'ma talk to the Lord about it my sitcha-ashun. I think I'm getting to the point where I may actually want....a boyfriend!?!??! *GASP* Eh, ya know. There's nothing else to do these days. In the past, I've just allowed myself to be so wrapped up in inconsequential things like work and school to the point where I had no desire to be in a *shudder* "relationship".

But now, I don't know. Maybe it could be.................fun? Hmmm...

It just seems like such a daunting task for me to find somebody I like back!

For example, gettin' my hurr did on Saturday. Sittin' in the shop, I musta been the first female client of the day. Nothin' but dudes gettin' they hurr did. One was young(er), handsome, sexy deep voice, I knew that Lexus on them thangs sittin' outside had to belong to him...

It's just that the content of his conversation (with somebody else in the shop 'cause I was reading for my classes) just started to turn me off. I had to stop eavesdropping 'cause it was getting on my nerves. I mean, he's probably a nice person but our interests are just totally different. That's why what he was saying was getting on my nerves, because it didn't fall in line with any of my interests and wasn't he supposed to be The One?!?! Damnit!

I just have a feeling it's gonna be SO HARD to find somebody that intrigues me. And that scares me.

But oh well, the Lord knows what he's doing. In the meantime, I ain't got no distractions so it's all good.

Back to busy I go.

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