2006-11-19 - 11:49 p.m.

I swear, for the past two days, I have been thinking about a soft kiss. No lie.

With everything that was going on yesterday, no matter where I was or what I was doing - driving to pick up the appetizers, announcing the gifts, standing outside in the cold, counting the money, taking a catnap - I could not stop thinking about a soft kiss.

A soft kiss from, of all people, damn Damian! LOL! I would have my little mini-fantasy and bust out laughing at the thought that it was about Damian.

I guess this all came about 'cause at work on Friday, I realized that Damian must have liked me in a non-platonic way at some point, even though for the most part, I thought our dealings with each other were strictly platonic and that he wasn't looking for anything outside of that in terms of me.

When I went to visit him around New Year's that time and he pulled my chair closer to where he was, I still wasn't clear on what he was thinking.

I think that was my issue with him. I was upset with him in one sense 'cause I liked him but I thought he didn't like me like that. Then in another sense, I liked that we were just cool like that (or so I thought).

If I was still acquainted with him today, I would probably still hold it against him that he was so weak for his ex. But whatever.

It's just funny that I can't stop thinking about a soft kiss from him.

And I don't even want it from anybody else at this point. Only him if I'm gonna get it. But that ain't gon' happen and I know it.

I just wish I knew what was going on in his mind. But I never really did. And I never really will.

And that is what continues to bother me about the way he told me about his son. Although I am appreciative of that because it did serve its purpose - to let me know that he is in a whole new phase of his life, periot. No way to include me ('cause him having a son is all about me, right? LOL!).

I'm too focused on astrological signs. I really am.

But it's too late to change. So there!

And that's why, since I feel like Damian (Cancer) is outta there as far as my "soft kiss", I substituted Tito (Cancer) in his place during a couple of my mini-fantasies.

But then I started to get grossed out so I put a quick stop to that.

I just can't imagine Tito being able to pull off that kind of sensuality. Then again, I don't know what homeboy is capable of. But still, I just wasn't comfortable with those kinds of thoughts about him, so I had to stop. Even typing about it now, my shoulders are unconsciously squeezing together.

I'm chattin' wit da nigga now, askin' him what he did last night and he talkin' 'bout he went to church. On a Saturday night.

I'm just not ready for that kinda guy right now. Nope. Not right now.

But he just used the word "erroneous". Mmmmm. That makes me think of Mark...

Lil' thug nigga wit da bomb vocabulary. I KNOW he was reading some textbooks on the sly. And Iheard he knew how to fix computers too? Damn man.

I STILL got his number for times like these too.

But I ain't gon' call.

Nope.

He was a Pisces, btw. Loved playin' wit my feet. Loved to use my ass as a pillow.

Okay, lemme stop. I just don't feel like goin' to sleep frustrated tonight. LOL.

I just can't stop thinking about a good kiss though. Damn!

TheBouncer is supposed to be coming home this Wednesday night. I've been thinkin' about activities with his ass too. But I quickly move those out of my brain 'cause it's been 6 months of worry-free living. I don't feel like doing the "am I pregnant" series of questions all over again. So it will be Operation Dodge-His-Ass from Wednesday night through Monday morning.

Damn, 6 months of celibacy. I have to say, it has truly been much easier this time around. I don't have any temptation and I don't go out like I used to so I'm not put into tempting positions like I was so it's all good.

But with TheBouncer in close proximity, I might find myself being really really tempted.

Yeah. Operation DHA for real.

Well I'm sleepy. Off to bed.

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