Wednesday, Feb. 21, 2024 - 2:13 p.m.

Sometimes I have to acknowledge the crazy in me.

Maybe I'm inspired by the 50-part clock app lady's story.

I find myself anticipating SJ being outside my window late at night, trying to peek in. Waiting outside my fence for permission to enter my yard. Sleeping in his car alongside my property late at night on the nights he can't get over thinking about me. That he even thinks about me on a daily basis. While he's cooking meals at work. As he's catching whatever transportation to work.

Why do I imagine these things at all? Why is my imagination so active and creative when it comes to niggas but I can't even imagine a cloud in the sky when it comes to increasing my life by myself?!? How does this whole thing work??????

*my face is so screwed up right now, trying to understand the foolishness LOL*

Anywhoo. Felt like I needed to write this down to get over this shit for real. Like, it's crazytown stuff. I really don't understand it.

I've unblocked and reblocked for the last time. I accept what I cannot change and that I cannot change someone else or wish them into being sometone different. MyLife is too blessed to waste it wanting good from evil. I'm moving on.

I have some sciatic nerve pain going on. Thankfully I have a doctor appointment coming up and my doc is a former physical therapist. I've tried walking, stretching and using a heating pad, none of which has helped. So I'm hoping he can give me tips and movements to get rid of this crap.

Probably aggravated it when pushing my mom in her wheelchair all around and across our huge local casino. We went to a Seminole Tribe Pow Wow. It was amazing and spiritual. I'd be surprised if I don't have some tribal blood in my lineage on my mom's side with the way my bones were responding to the drums and sounds. My mom says one of her elders claimed heritage. I have to believe it because, whew, I felt elevated in that space. A very intresting aspect was the way they claimed their space. It was almost like not a question that they were of the upmost importance in that space. It's hard to write a description of the feeling. But I certainly felt compelled to honor their unspoken claims, especially being a descendant of those ripped from a homeland. Very different and interesting experience. For sure.

But yeah, not long after that is when my leg started acting up and hasn't stopped since. So I'm fairly sure that's where I really got messed up. My back has been in excruciating pain at times over the past year but I had no chance to stop and acknowledge any pain - Life was not allowing any breaks. Now that I've slowed down, it's like my body is like, "Hey! I'm in rough shape."

Oh yeah, all that walking in Dublin probably was beating it up. But the casino day is what did it in.

Anywhoo, hoping this is sometihng that can be resolved soon because I am not at all a fan of this feeling nor am I happy about not being able to go walking at the park. I am ready to get back into all of that so come on, sciatic pain! Go away!

Writing this on my lunch break since I can't go walking. I'm cooking some pasta sauce with leftover chicken sausage that was yuck to eat by itself. I'll eat the pasta sauce another day since I'm going to a thing with light bites this even. Watching my 84yo neighbor go on his afternoon walk and cars run the stop sign since there's construction on my street with signage people act like they can't read. I could be washing a load of clothes - towels, specifically. Maybe I'll go throw them in there before I sign back into work.

Had Jury Duty yesterday. Caught me off-guard; thankfully I was dismissed about 40minutes after reporting. :) Everything was so smooth - from parking to walking there. I was like 2mins late to the reporting room and everyone was gone. So I had to wait in the lobby area. Several more people came after me though. We were all trying to figure out what was going on. Finally someone came and I was the second one dismissed. He had just dismissed a girl and she was all flustered because she had just come there (30mins late). Simultaneously, he started looking for my name. I told her "Girl, just go. Trust me." The man heard me and said, "Not everyone will get dismissed." I responded, "I hope I will. *smile*" It worked. LOLOL Thank goodness. After that murder trial, I don't ever want to serve on anyone's jury again!

Ok, lunchtime coming to a close. Back to work I go.

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