Ahhhhh.......
Tuesday, Aug. 31, 2010 - 9:38 p.m.
I'm feeling good, thank God. I just feel mentally okay right now. I'm so thankful for that.
I had to take two days off work about two weeks ago. There's been so much going on that I thought I was about to have a breakdown. I was just mentally and physically exhausted. I couldn't think, couldn't feel, couldn't keep up with life.
So I stopped. I sat on my couch, napped and ate for the most part. Read a whole novel (!!!! - haven't done that in YEARS). DBanks came over the second day and WE WENT AT IT.... Mmmm.
I really needed those days, those hours, those minutes, those seconds. I really needed the opportunity to just STOP and be the hell QUIET!!! There was just always something happening, somebody calling, somebody needing, not enough time, money, resources... I couldn't take it anymore. I thought I could but I can't imagine what would have happened if I didn't take those days to just STOP.
Soooo I made the decision to give myself some "me time" everyday in the form of going to the gym. I was trying for a while to be consistent at the gym but everybody's demands of me wouldn't allow that to happen on a regular basis. So now, I get up at 5:05am and go to the gym before work. This is my second week and it's going well. I don't drink as much coffee but I have more energy than I normally had. I'm not exhausted at the end of most days. I feel a lot better. I've lost 5 pounds since last Monday. It's going well. And at the end of the day, after I've done for everybody else, it feels AWESOME to know that I got my "me time" in before anybody got anything from me.
DBanks. I'm not even going to try and kid myself anymore. But I'm not romanticizing this thing anymore either. I'm just living my life. That's all. I don't feel like making any decisions in terms of him. I can't afford for him to take up brain space. So I don't think about him. We just contact each other when the need hits and work from there. I've psyched myself out of it pretty good. But yeah, he's still around.
I'm going to Or.lan.do this weekend. Looking forward to it. Miss Pooh doesn't harrass me or want to be running the streets 24/7 when I'm there. She lets me rest. I appreciate it.
I'm feeling zen right now. I'm sayin', I need to get up and get ready for tomorrow (have to pack my gym bag, get my breakfast and lunch together, iron my work clothes - it's a lot of prep work but worth it) but still, I just feel good.
Thank God.