Thursday, Jul. 29, 2010 - 6:37 p.m.

Sitting at a park, waiting on my friends L&O so we can go to happy hour. �For once, I'm early. So I'm taking advantage of it to catch some fresh air, listen to the birds chirping and enjoy nature. �Thank goodness the mosquitoes have something better to do!

I'm still thinking about DBanks' baby boy. �Not so much DBanks. �Just the baby. �Thinking about how excited i became when Virginia would be late and the idea of being preg-a-nant easily slipped into my mind. �I really saw myself being a mother to his child. �It was nonsensical but made me happy anyway. �I never saw us getting together because of a baby. � Only co-parenting. �I just wanted to be his baby-mama.

Thank goodness it didn't work out that way. �Nevertheless, when I look at the pictures of Darren, I do wish for what could have been. �It really bothers me to think that way but I guess it comes with the whole "being a woman" territory.

Like I said, I'm happy for DBanks and I wish him and his new international family the best. �The baby and mother are in Paris right now. �She moved back home to over there shortly after discovering her pregnancy. �*shrugs*

So I'm adjusting. �Removing everything about him from my life, finally. �In a way, I feel silly feeling this way. �Like one of those typical women who get caught up in a situation not worth getting caught up in. �But this one has not and never will be that serious, which is why I can't understand my feelings about this whole situation. �And none of that made any kind of sense. �So yeah, that's exactly what I'm feeling. :-/

Anywhoo, the girls are almost here and I think the flies alerted the authorities - I mean, mosquitoes - that my blood is present and available so I'm gonna end here.

I feel like Winn.ie the Pooh when he goes, "Oh brother." �Shoulders hunched and all.

Don't ya just love the melodramatics? �LOL

:-(

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