Thursday, May. 12, 2022 - 1:12 p.m.

* Written Friday, May 6th*

Well, he showed up.

I'd fought thoughts that he wouldn't. Even when, three minutes before we were to meet, he was calling my phone. When he said he was running late, I thought he was about to pull a stunt. But I decided to keep moving in faith that he would show up. He'd given me no reason to think otherwise so it wasn't fair for me to put on him that he wouldn't.

When he called, I'd asked if he'd made a reservation. He had not, thinking it wasn't a busy restaurant night. So once I parked, I went ahead and made a reservation online just in case. Didn't feel like waiting in my car because that would only make me anxious, which I was trying not to be. So I decided to go on to the restaurant, use the restroom, and wait inside.

Also want to mention the insecurities I had to work through for this "date". One, I'd tried to go get a cute outfit to wear earlier in the day but the store line was so long and unmoving, had to abandon that idea. Also, I was feeling bloated so I knew I had to wear comfortable clothing. I ended up in a flowy shirt and some stretchy pants. Not ideally what I would have wanted to wear, but what I had and what would work. So I was dressed how I would normally dress and wearing sandals like I would normally wear. Put on a hint of makeup but other than that, I became committed to looking like I normally look.

As mentioned previously, when he met me, I wasn't all cute. I'd wanted to get cute for our "date" but at the same time, for me to feel comfortable with whatever the hell is happening here, I decided being my regular self worked best.

Ultimately, he was 30mins late. *sigh* Not that I refuse to wait, but damn. Especially with me coming from further than him. But alas. Like I said, he showed up. I cut him some slack because he did have things to handle during the day and he is the bereaved.

I was already seated when he arrived. At first, I was going to position myself in such a way that he could see part of me but not all. That's the thing too: I had a full mask on when we "met". So he didn't necessarily see how I looked. I'd sent him a pic upon request, so he knew my face. But still. However, in working through any insecurities, I decided to not be concerned with what he could or would see and just focus on being there. What's really funny to me is that the hostess sat me in a banquette even though it was just a party of two. That was wild to me and so appropriate for this "date".

when he approached, I was taken aback. I mentioned before his hair is in wild wicks, a style I am not attracted to. At all. But I was certainly not expecting him to come in his absolute "best" (aka "truest") Miami-boy style of dress. Lawd. It looked like he rolled outta the bed. Green wrinkled sweatshirt and matching shorts. White socks and slides. Hammurcee. I stopped myself from being embarrassed, mainly because I'd had my own thoughts of not needing to dress up to go to a restaurant but also because I was in this to experience whoever he is. So after that initial shock - and pointing out the wrinkling in his sweatshirt; it could have at least been ironed - I made a decision to move on and enjoy whatever the night turned out to be.

So the thing about him being a chef... He was confident this restaurant he selected would be good. I soon found out why: he used to work there. Chyle.

If I didn't mention it before, he's a Cancer. *SIGH* They are the CHEAPEST of all the zodiac signs. Don't get me wrong, a Capricorn loves a good deal! And Libras will take whatever they can get for free. But a CANCER?! They refuse to part with their money. They love having money banked up but do not like to spend. At all. It's...yuck. But, alas. Back to the story.

I knew the restaurant he works at had to be in the area but didn't know it was right across the street from the one we were sitting at. And that this one was his former job. It became apparent when the waitress was excited to see this manager from her old job, back across the street. And EVEN MORE APPARENT when he suggested sitting at the bar because he knew the bartenders and could get free drinks. Lawd. Like, I like free just as much as the next but are we trying to make free happen or is it just happening? Lawd. Either way, he was able to get a round of free drinks from the bar even though we remained seated in the dining area. But it required him going to the bar a couple times, leaving me alone at the table. Which I am NOT a fan of. But... Again, experiencing the night for whatever it was.

At this point, I was feeling like I was in some kind of hood movie scene. Like, for real, for real. It was getting just too hood-ish for me. But I was committed and once we got to chatting and laughing, I felt more comfortable and started to lean into the experience.

With his mom's services coming up, I'd mentioned earlier in the day that I wanted us to go by the actual beach after dinner. My plan was to get him near some water so he could have se peace and quiet, cry if he needed to, whatever. So that's where we headed when we were done. He told me he'd stopped by a store and gotten a blanket and towel for us. My freaking heart melted. That's so simple but so thoughtful. Like, UGH! So cute! We rode to the beach in his car.

He'd told me he has a 1995 Camry. It was shocking to hear but hey, it's a car. He'd talked about something that happened in his past that turned him away from being materialistic. One, I understand that. And two, I'm similar in that regard - I have my regular ol' vehicle, nothing special. But still, to SEE the 1995 Toyota Camry? Whew. LOLOLOL I caught myself tho! Proud of me for that. I let him treat me like a lady in that 1995 Camry too - opening and closing doors and all.

We drove to the beach and chatted real easy. Found a parking space, which he jumped out the car and did not pay the meter. I'd told him "make a left here" and he mentioned liking being told what to do by his woman. Wrong thing to tell me 'cause he could possibly never hear the end of my instructions. LOL But anyway. He got the blanket out of his trunk and we walked to the sand.

OMG, it was so romantic, lying on the beach and just experiencing the ocean breeze at night. So amazing. He is affectionate, which I like. He was not overbearing. He didn't incessantly run his mouth. He wanted to do a lot of cuddling. Eventually, he even went to sleep.

I was thinking how I was having the best time. Like, better than I could have imagined. And it felt so fucking natural. Like, how did this happen?! Just a freaking blast.

We finally left the beach after a couple of hours. He had a parking ticket which he wasn't happy about but said the night was worth it. He drove me to my car. We hugged it up but I didn't give him a kiss and he quietly accepted that wasn't gonna happen either. (I'm still myself chyle. LOL)

He is....really cool. Really, really cool.

The thing about all of this (and I couldn't help repeating it through the night) is how I can't understand how we got there. Like, my brain can't calculate what happened. I did not go into giving him a compliment with the expectation that it would go anywhere. At all. In no way, shape or form. So to get to a date (in less than a week; could have even been the day after we met, had he had his way) is so wild to me.

A whole date. I haven't been on a date in many years at this point. So how the hell??! LOL And this is all without me extending myself in any way, without me putting on any kind of front, without any effort on my part, period. That part really doesn't make sense. But this is where we are.

I enjoy that he seems open and straightforward. He is intelligent - good spelling, vocabulary, general common sense. Spoke a lot about work, which I can identify with. I like that I was learning a lot about the behind the scenes of the restaurant biz - I always partake but have never worked in it, so I had no idea of this whole world back there. That's interesting to me.

He shares a lot of his thoughts and feelings. I like that. If I ask, he answers very clearly, it's not vague. He can hold good conversation. Told him a few things I like, he immediately accommodated. He respected my boundaries. He gave me some smiles. I like all that.

Honestly, outside of the financials and the clothes, I like a lot about him. Still trying to figure out how I got here but yeah.

Like, I have no idea where things are going to go. His mom's services are today and tomorrow. I want to support him but I don't know him yet so it wouldn't feel genuine. Also, I can't manage the death of someone I don't even know at this time, God bless her, and may she RIP. He and his family are in my prayers.

Am I just a distraction from what he has going on? Am I interested in him enough to keep this going if he wants to? Could I see myself with this going further?

Questions, chyle. All hypothetical. I'm content with dealing in reality with this situation. Just experiencing it from day to day to see where and how it goes.

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