TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"I'm trying to live my life connected forever. I wanna love you forever."

Sunday, Aug. 21, 2022 - 10:13 p.m.

It'd be just peachy if everything in Life made sense, right? But that would just be too much like right. And Life don't like everything to be right so...

Life is semi-quiet these days. Thank God, no more chemo. That's done, it's finished *Joann the Scammer voice*. I'm so excited for my mommy to start healing from that. Chemo is....whew. Whew! Right now, her skin is all discolored and peeling. This is of course along with no hair anywhere on her body, even her eyebrows. We learned even the hair in the ear canals disappears because of chemo. Her hearing has definitely been impacted, not sure if that's directly tied to the hair. Praying the hearing comes back.

I'm glad she doesn't care about the hair. She was given wigs and ain't wear 'em one time. 😂 Not even the beanies. I love her for that, honestly. Her confidence is beautiful.

Her energy has been crawling back. It's day by day, really. But she was out half of Friday and a couple hours today, riding in the car with me running errands and she had a doctor appointment. It's a big deal because that was a lot for her. But she did it. Got through it all. So that's progress.

Her appetite is finally bouncing back too. Really glad to see that. Hated to see the days she just couldn't eat. That is one strong lady, especially after what she's been through.

It's crazy that the cancer can just quietly live inside you until it's too late. Other the other hand, the "treatment" for it is so harsh, it ravages the body. Cancer is terrible. That's just the full extent of it all - it's a horrible disease.

She goes on Tuesday to get set up for radiation. I'll be taking some deep breaths tomorrow to get mentally prepared for that. Contemplating a self-care day where I take myself to the beach, the movies and out to lunch. I just might. I really just might. I need that, I think.

We voted today. Made it there 15mins before early voting closed altogether, since this was the last day for it. That's done.

I have so much to do with this house. Need to get the water heater fixed, some exterior holes patched up because the critters love the inside of my roof for whatever reason, hang up what looks like all of my clothes, clean my living room and office (I still need a cleaning lady), finish setting up my mom's room fully because it was never completed, put away all my office stuff that I brought home.... *SIGH* I'll take baby steps towards it all this week.

Work has but hasn't been on 10. Like, the days are not as super-hectic as they could be. I'm just pulled in a few different directions and have had all kinds of presentations that run back-to-back. Lawd! I'm worn out. Taking days off to use up time now but I'm still exhausted on the days I do work. Goodness.

I feel like exercise is making me more tired than ever but that's probably due to not fueling my body with the proper nutrition. Looking forward to some adjustments in that area, starting this week. I'm pretty consistent with my walking now, thank God. Even started a 5K training program in a spur of the moment decision, after coming across an app I'd used over 10 years ago. About to wrap up week 2 of 6. Proud of myself for it. I started walking with the hopes I'd move into jogging so this is the progress I was hoping for. My body is trying to change, just waiting on me to eat right. It's coming.

SJ is still a thing. The other night, I was imagining telling him I was over it then something happened that really made me want to say it (double trip). But I didn't. I wonder if he could tell because he's acting a tad bit different in a decent way - nothing negative. He's poor. It makes me sad. Like, he is broke. Nothing to offer financially. No frills at all to even offer. I don't feel pity for him because he feels he is meeting his obligations and maybe what he is doing looks like that for him, based on his life and experiences. But definitely not for me. Like, there is nothing there that makes me think, "Oooh, a future would be so bright!". No. Not at all. Nothing. The gap is too wide, not just dollar-wise but experience and thinking. I don't believe I'm interested in expanding someone's world view at my age. I feel like that sounds so harsh but it's my truth.

I told him I question when he is telling the truth. Like I am often wondering if something he said or told me is true. And I hate that. Because I need emotional security - where I can trust someone to tell me the truth, no matter what - and he is not capable of that at this time. It's unfortunate. But good at the same time because it keeps me from getting emotionally involved. It keeps me in the safe zone. That's where I need to be. And stay.

Anywhoozies, just wanted to keep track of what I got going on. Life is so much at times. Too much at times. But there are so many beautiful moments. I'm appreciating those so much more.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"She never said that we would curse, cry and scream and lie." - Monday, Oct. 10, 2022
"If I could turn back time... If I could find a way..." - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2022
"But if u say a word about love, she's on the run. She's on the run." - Sunday, Sept. 18, 2022
"Can you hear me, Major Todd? Can you hear me, Major Todd?" - Saturday, Sept. 03, 2022
"Say that you love me. Won't you say that you love me? Say you wanna be my only." - Wednesday, Aug. 31, 2022