"If you were mine - if you were mine - I wouldn't want to go to Heaven."
Friday, Sept. 20, 2019 - 7:40 p.m.
Supposed to be moving into my house this weekend but as soon as I stopped pushing my body, it decided to get sick.
This braces journey is trying to do me in. Everyone complains that I didn't need braces. I'd be right along with them if I hadn't seen improvements already. But these things are an intra-oral torture chamber. I cannot eat and, after the installation of a TPA last Friday, have barely been able to drink for almost a whole week. I literally had a 2tbsp serving of hummus a couple hours ago and 1) felt stuffed; 2) was as satisfied as if I'd eaten a luxurious meal at a fancy restaurant. I'm comparing my experience to what that of a gastric-bypass patient must be. I am in the process of disassociating from food at this point. It's miserable, not being able to chew or swallow at will.
So yeah, I came down with a head cold. My body feels fine but I can't breathe through my nose. Weirdly, which hasn't happened before, I can also taste just fine. I think whatever I have is a result of aspirating half of what I've drunk since last Friday. IF it went down, I pretty much choked on it first. So I think that aggravated my throat & sinuses. Lovely.
Haven't pushed myself to pack because I know I needed rest. It's been beyond me how I made it through the last few weeks. Thank God, I passed my six sigma exam this past Tuesday!!!! I'm so proud of me!!! I've really pushed myself with certain things that I would normally be afraid of (basically, challenging myself in any way). So while scary, it's been fun to sucxesafull complete all these things I've pushed beyond my comfort zone and excuses to do.
This is all preparing me to tackle my weight. I swear, every time I commit to starting, something derails me. But as I'm writing this, I realize I could have at least started walking.... I was waiting on excuses, I guess.
Anywhoo, soon as I can chew again, I'll be eating better. And next week, come what may, I'm gonna start walking for exercise.
My weight is like the last puzzle piece for my level up. I keep describing it as a wall I have to push through. The thought of succeeding at losing weight scares me because I feel once I cross that bridge, I'll be invincible - it'll be the Super Mario, ascend a thousand levels element that my life has been waiting for me to rise to. But I'm soooo scared!!! I've been able to hide behind all this fat for so long. Unfortunately, it hasn't had the invisible cloak I'd hoped. There's nothing I can do to hide me. So I need to simply embrace my greatness. In all facets. It's what God wants me to do. It's what I deserve.