"You already knew that. But you already knew that. You probably knew that, girl."
Saturday, Jun. 01, 2019 - 2:59 p.m.
I think emotional cheating is as bad as physical. I do. I try to be careful about finding myself in such situations; particularly, where I would be the outside party participating in the cheating.
I've recently come to acknowledge the mental games I am actually skilled in playing with these niggas. For some time, I'd cloaked it under "naivete". It was easy to act like I ain't do nothing and therefore couldn't understand behaviors and reactions. Now, I can actually admit to knowing exactly where I played a part in some of it. The rest is just the "effect" that I have no control over.
The connection between these two separate but related thoughts is I have to take responsibility for what I'm doing with my "friend", Roscoe. I avoid every level of impropriety, to the point of completely ignoring anything that could be considered "flirting". However, yesterday I made a side comment that, for a second time in only a week, has influenced actions in his relationship. The first time, I full-out instructed him on what to do. Which it was to his partner's benefit, but the fact that I was even a thought (truly, more than a thought) during the action was....thrilling yet troublesome.
I knew when I started to get into his head. Should have stopped this "friendship" then. But didn't. And that was before the influence started showing. SMH.
I just don't want and can't afford the karma of being a participant in anything untoward. I'm out here tryna get chose, tryna get wifed up by a good man. Laying bad bricks is not something I want on my roll.
My house is now gonna be finished by end of June. Had to engage the guy who holds the license. I'm not communicating directly with my contractor anymore. He's a liar and incompetent. We had a joint walkthrough yesterday - me, contractor and the boss guy. I was glad the boss got to see what I've been dealing with. He's directly involved now, so I anticipate actual closure this time. Can't wait to be done with this contractor and move in my fawking house!
It's amazing though. For real. I feel truly blessed. Gotta call fencing, landscaping, security, home insurance companies. Gotta look for furniture. Finna be a bunch of plants all over my spot. Even with all the problems, issues, frustrations, aggravations, I'm happy. I have joy about this freaking house. Feels like a promise, fulfilled. 🙏🏾