"I will remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord."
Monday, Mar. 11, 2019 - 7:28 p.m.
So I started Lent but I stopped and am restarting tomorrow.
When my heart isn't in it and I'm not focused - to me - it does no good to just go through the motions. I am not going to get closer to God by just going through the motions. I owe him more than that. So I'm restarting tomorrow and SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING just starting the Daniel Fast, as well. Seriously. It was on my heart this morning. My only hesitation was that it could cross over into my Vegas trip for work. But I calculated the days and, if I started tomorrow, it would actually end the day before I leave for Vegas. LOL So.... Perfect timing, really.
Over the weekend, I remembered once again that I never wrote an update on the friggin PROGRESS with MyHouse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's crazy how ready I was to complain when things were going haywire but how quiet I've been in here now that things are actually moving along!
There is SIGNIFICANT progress on MyHouse. Work officially started (to me, anyway) on January 22nd.
There are walls built and some knocked down, the entire plumbing system had to be dug up and was redone, (I'm happy to see) the windows will be brought to code (this was a point of contention with my GC).
Speaking of my doggone GC. LAWD! It's a time working with him. A TIME! He's a Capricorn, for the most part knows what he's doing. But the execution. The implementation? He has a lot of work to do. His customer service is horrible. I have to call him to find out what's going on with things. I have to walk him through processes. Hell, I had to transcribe documentation for his ass. He has a long way to go to be a real businessman. I'm working with him because God truly delivered the man into my hands right when I asked for someone. And the work is getting done. But it is a TIME, chyle. A TIME!
It's SO EXCITING, watching the progress from week to week. Like, I'm watching MyHouse come to fruition. It's a beautiful thing.
I am SO HAPPY! This has been such a long time coming. And I'm overjoyed that it's happening in a way where, financially, I don't even feel it. Moreso because the money is already included in my mortgage payments. But also, because I have enough money in the bank to cover everything that will be coming up with the house - furnishings, appliances, decorations. EVERYTHING. I don't have any worry or fear about all that. I am so grateful to be in this position! I never imagined things would be like this.
In general, my life is completely amazing. I am starting to feel "happy", which has been a long time coming. I truly hate that my mind wants to hold back from being "happy", in case the other shoe drops. But I really feel like I can't afford to live that way. I've been living like that for many years. It's time to reframe my thinking.
Like I said, I want to level up past fear this year. That may look like living fearlessly - looking forward only to the best and ignoring everything else. It may mean wearing rose-colored glasses. And guess what? That's just what I'ma have to do! I don't want to live in fear anymore.
What's interesting with this level up past fear thing is that I find myself finding the words I'm looking for, more easily these days. I used to stutter over my words because I was afraid of what I would say and if it would be right or wrong. But, lately, I just say what I think. And the words feel like they just roll off my tongue. I love it.
In other related news, I've been "supposed to be" pursuing a certification for work for the past, like, 3 years. I've been putting it off because...who the hell has time to study!? Not me! But it's now a part of my evaluation at work (even though it is not required for my job). So I bit the bullet and at least registered for the doggone test. Well, due to system deadlines, I needed to try to take part one of the two parts of the exam. I went to register for part one and found that the only date available was within 4 days of the date I was paying the fee. So I paid the fee for the exam last Monday and had to take the exam last Friday. Chyle. NO time to study. But I pressed forward with taking the exam anyway.
Left work with puh-lenty of time to spare - went by and saw my great-aunt, took a nap in the car once I arrived at the location. Went to sign-in, only to find I'd gone to the WRONG LOCATION. Thankfully, the right one was 10mins up the street! So I am all flustered about the mistake and the time and everything. I had to run to the restroom before the exam and took the time to pray that God would calm my heart and mind from that distraction. Then, I went to take this formal exam I had not studied for.....
OMG. The exam was HARD. Stuff I never heard of! LOLOLOL I was worried that I was about to bomb the thing and not be able to get the $400 registration fee reimbursed by my job. But then I started hearing a gospel song playing in my head ("Everlasting God" by William Murphy - the song says, "The Lord is my light and salvation: whom shall I fear? (of) whom shall I be afraid?") That immediately calmed me down. The refrain just kept repeating in my head, along with another from that same song ("I will remain confident in this: I will see the goodness of the Lord.")
I finished the exam and resisted the urge to change all my answers. Pressed "Exit Exam" and, on the next screen, saw the word "PASS" somewhere in the mix. Didn't want to jump to conclusions, so I left the room and waited until I saw the final printout: I PASSED!!! Could not believe it!
I'm LEVELING UP!!! I'm so excited! LOL God is good! The level up has been so REAL this year. My goodness. And I've only hit a few areas. I can't imagine when I actually apply it across the board.
I still owe myself the opportunity to improve my body. I'm working on the nerve. It's coming.