Saturday, Dec. 15, 2018 - 10:42 p.m.

*silently screams* AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Been a minute. Only a lil minute, but a minute, nonetheless.

Lowkey excited about some understanding I came to today in regards to a certain person and the way we interact. My mom really helped me articulate my feelings.
Basically, I am a woman who does not pretend to be anything other than the dichotomy I am. This is frustrating for the other involved party. Why do they have to bend to society's "expectations" while I get to creep up on their level, even as I remain who I am and always have been?? How dare I! Never been in an inner circle, don't have no connects & could even stand to gain some couth (hey, facts is facts). Yet and still, "I rise".

(Wish dland could handle emojis - I'd put the one with both hands up right after that statement.)

It really explains A LOT for me. Like, I get it now. I get it. I won't be frustrated anymore because I understand. :-)

Christmas is just a hair more than a week away and at least I've started online shopping. Hoping to complete that part tomorrow so everything can be here by Christmas.

Wanna go on a lil getaway for my bday. Saw flight sales for Belize the other day. Will be looking into that.

Abruptly made the connection yesterday that the reason one of my highest priorities in a partner is interest in being a father and a good, hands-on father at that is due to my father's absence in my life. For some reason, I can't recall connecting the two before. Now that I think of it, I believe I did make the connection during my childhood but I guess in getting older, the reason fell off the radar as I focused on that specific desire.

Saw Robert Glasper perform again last week but it was not like the magical experience from 2017. That was a once-in-a-lifetime. Appreciated it for what it was but it won't ever happen again. And I am okay with that.

Listening to the soundtrack for the movie "Beale Street" and lawd, is it relaxing!!

Alright. Feening for a baked cookie. Bye.

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