"I love you! Call me!"
Monday, Aug. 27, 2018 - 9:12 p.m.
Waiting on the fully approved permit for the house so that real work can finally begin.
I was doing GREAT on low-carb but fell off the wagon over the weekend. Currently trying to get back on the wagon. Discipline is what's needed.
I'm over my job and gearing myself up to apply for every job that remotely interests me. The only jobs you don't get are the ones you never applied for. I'm always so worried about not being good enough to get another job and hate the idea of getting rejected when I finally apply for one. But hey, *not trying* ain't gon do me no good either. So...
Going to South Africa in October.
Went to happy hour with my friend Olgacita last week. She bitterly reminded me we've been asking God for a life partner for a looooong time. She is no longer speaking with God, she says. He has not answered that prayer so he is not listening. That was a challenging conversation for me. Because there have been times I've felt like he wasn't listening to me about that either. I don't feel like that anymore - I simply feel it's not in the cards for me. So I'm not mad at God. I *am* disappointed that there really aren't any fairytales, Anita. :-(
Hooked up with DBanks. Barely spoke to him or acknowledged him as a person. I used him. And only for what I wanted, nothing more. Didn't give him much of anything. I just took, took, took. A rare instance of me not feeling used. I felt like the user.
And that shit felt good.
Although I'm mad I feel like I have switched over to the dark side. The no emotion, no care side. But it feels safer over here. It's quiet and dark and warm. Wouldn't mind staying here for a while.
I have 5 days of time off to use before 9/30. There are going to be a couple 4-day weekends in a row for me. And I am looking forward to it!!!
Blah. Just wanted to get something down here. I liked the groove of writing I had gotten into and miss it.