Monday, Mar. 12, 2018 - 6:07 p.m.

What's going on in Life?

Ahhhh, everything. I'm overwhelmed, as usual. Particularly at work and with the house. But, Life goes on.

I really want to get my life organized. I feel like I've been saying that my whole life, but I mean it every single time. Like, if I could just get ORGANIZED!

Before I get too far, want to remember that in a conversation with myself this morning, I realized that the reason I don't push myself is because I already feel like I don't live up to who people believe I am. Like, I already feel like people think I am more than I feel I know I am. If I were to optimize myself, I fear people's expectations of me being even higher. And I know I hate to disappoint people - hell, I hate being disappointed! So I'm in fear of failing and not being who people hoped I would be.

On a regular basis, people call me "amazing", "CEO" (I've had MULTIPLE people tell me I will be a CEO in the not so distant future), "so sweet", "so kind", "such a blessing". I inwardly cringe when I hear these things. Even the random people I come across - EVEN the mean lady who works on my floor who complimented my hair last week, saying that it always looks nice. LOL I crinnnnge on the inside because I be trying to figure out who they are looking at? Who do they know, that they think these things?? Certainly not me! It can't be me.

But the more I talk to people and think about it, the clearer it becomes that they are talking about me. My mom tells me about things from my past (that I know I'll forget, so here are a few: the gifted program experience in elementary school; the "research project" I was a part of in high school) that point out that certain aspects of me have always been there. Hell, I know that a lot of this is not a front: I am special. I truly am special. God made me this way. But I fight it all the time. Don't know why.

Anyway, back to Life and what's been going on.

The last few weeks have been kinda quiet outside of the house and stuff. I got the chance to see Dru Hill perform live again!! That was exciting. Jazz wasn't there but Sisqo and and injured Nokio were. They also have a new member, whose name I can't remember. Real sangin' and a moment I never thought I'd see in life: Sisqo performing "Thong Song", live. LOL I also got to see Karyn White perform her hits live that night. I felt like a 7 year old again for a few minutes. Singing "Superwoman" with my mom was allll love!! Evelyn Champage King performed, too. All for free, so that was especially lovely. :)

What else? I went to Wakanda twice. LOL Chadwick Boseman is my new muse, I think? He definitely made me realize I like 'em tall, slim & toned! I haven't had such a physical reaction to a man in film in....like...ever? It was weird and I was a little uncomfortable but, yeah. He fahn. I also got chills watching the movie. Not that it was the most amazing piece of cinema ever produced (I compare all character movies to The Dark Knight, which was the most amazing piece of cinema in the genre ever produced). But the REPRESENTATION! OMG!!! So many levels to the representation in that film. God, I'm glad I got to see this happen in my lifetime!

What else?

MyHouse. My great-uncle's six children are "heirs" on the property, since my great-aunt had no children and her brother passed during this process. Of the six children, two of them (known philanders) have child support liens against their names. The title company told me for months that I would have to pay those debts to satisfy those liens and have them cleared. I have consistently flat-out refused to pay someone else's child support in order to purchase a house.

After all I have been through, that was going to be my hard stop. I prayed to God to fix it (as I have and as he has everything in this process). Did some google research and found that they can "disclaim" their "inheritance", which removes them from the process completely. I'm trying to build up the balls to approach them. But they know their reputation - better yet, they know who they are and what they've done. So they shouldn't give me any trouble. But you never know with people, ya know?

Other than that, the process is continuing to move full steam ahead. I hate that, had I done everything I was "supposed to do" when I "was supposed to do it", I would be making this purchase at $30k less. Yes, THIRTY THOUSAND. But there have been so many pieces that had to fall in place, it would have been impossible to accomplish back then. So I am just accepting that this is the situation it is as it was "supposed to be". God did this and at this price for whatever his reasons were. It's still a steal. It's still a deal. And I'm just grateful and thankful that I am able to do it. God is good.

It's about to be a full year that I've had my car and haven't had it washed or vacuumed yet. SMH. Gotta make that a priority for early morning this weekend. I'm seeing Anita Baker this weekend, so my mind hasn't been on much else outside of that. But I still gotta find time to get this car situated. Because as it is, this thang is not cute.

My aunt (late uncle's wife) is still receiving medical care. She was so sick, she was in isolation for weeks. Gown, gloves, mask level isolation. And there I was, marching in and out of her hospital rooms. SMH. God be protecting me, for real. She has a long way to go as far as physical rehab. She's got some mental issues that are going to challenge her progress but if she can overcome them, she will be alright.

As far as AReid, I actually just came from lunch with him. Of course, I always have to pay for my own food (hmph) but at least his ass brought me some conch fritter batter. Before 10am yesterday (Sunday), he was umpromtedly sending pics of his process. So of course, I made him bring me some batter. Or I requested that he bring me some. And he did, bless his heart. I don't know why he had to ask if I can cook. LOL Uh, duh. But anyway, I'll be cooking that up tonight, sho nuff. I'm patiently waiting on him to become my bff.

Funny enough, I called him on my way home one day last week since we were having such a hard time meeting up for lunch. We chatted about work-related issues. He insisted that wasn't enough, we needed to meet up face to face. So we did today and....still just chatted about work-related issues, some of which were the same. So yeah, the phone convo could've been enough. LOL I was headed away from him when he reached out for a hug. That doesn't typically happen. Antyway.

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