TheForest.Diaryland.Com

Where do u go when there's a need to be loved like u need to be loved?

Saturday, Feb. 10, 2018 - 8:25 p.m.

I tell you. This thing was The Bouncer...

At this point, I've known him for 15 years. In 15 years, he has let it be known that he would have me if I would have him. Problem is, I don't want him.

In 15 years, he has never been financially stable. Financial stability is one of my main basic needs. Like, I can't begin to entertain a forever with someone who has no idea of where their source of income will be. I just can't.

Here I am, thinking fool has finally gotten to a place of stability. But nope, he quit yet another job. *sigh*

One thing I can give him is that he always finds another one. And always has a place to lay his head in some form or another.

But man... *sigh*

I guess it's frustrating for me because here is a specimen with which I could have been married for the past 14 or so years, probably had a bunch of kids by now. Would I have been happy managing the household on my own, basically carrying his dead weight? Hell no. In fact, I'd probably have been sucked down alongside him. Would he have been loving me the best way he could? No doubt. Would that have been enough for me to feel happy in the relationship? Hell no.

Uuuuggghhhh. I just HATE that he coulda been a contender!! Like, for real! Uuuuggghhhh!!!! And he's still pressing, which is so frustrating!!!

I'ma just have to break down and tell him as a grown woman why I could not and can never do him. I've always danced around just outright saying how I felt about his financial instability and lack of sense of responsibility. Man got 5 kids and ain't had a stable job for none of 'em. Like, how? HOW?!

Because ValentiMe's Day never has anything going for me, I didn't think anything of scheduling a hang-out session with him on 2/13. Gonna make sure we're good and done by like 9pm. Can't give him any inkling that there's a chance. Haven't been and will continue not to.

Speaking of ValentiMe's Day: AReid has been pushing for us to do lunch to catch up. Work has been really really buay the past month, so I hadn't gotten around to responding to that request. Forgot about it, actually. He reminded me a couple days ago so I went to find time in my schedule. Of course the day that was available was next Wednesday. Told him I'd schedule it for that day. But honey, when I noticed it's 2/14, I quickly scheduled it for the next available date, which is the following week.

I was NOT bout to schedule nothing with that fool for ValentiMe's Day. 1) Couldn't have him thinking that was anywhere on my mind, even if it came up in convo had we gone that day. 2) Gotta at least give the illusion I got something going on. Sheesh.

Sheesh. :-/

Over this single life ish, btw. Like, completely over it.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Skies will change; the sun remains. Still, I'll be grateful - thankful when it rains..." - Friday, May. 11, 2018
"'Cause on a day like this, u might miss all the kisses that I gave u." - Wednesday, Mar. 21, 2018
"So, what's going on sugar? How is ur life baby? It's so good to be back..." - Monday, Mar. 12, 2018
"Let's talk about love: Is it anything and everything you hoped for?" - Thursday, Feb. 22, 2018
"If u get rid of me, then the love's gone. This is the epitome of a love song." - Wednesday, Feb. 21, 2018