"Giving me something that's taboo...."
Wednesday, Jul. 01, 2015 - 9:36 p.m.
I'm straight chillin'. Like, thangs I could be doing but I'm not doing nothing. Like, since I ironed the clothes I'm wearing to work tomorrow this morning when I had plans of going to work and since I submitted a work project that had been hanging over my head from home today, I'm chilling.
I just thought about how much anxiety I've been carrying lately. I developed it because of g-aunt's situation. I actually took a zpack when I was last sick and messed around and had a COUPLE of very mild (thank God) anxiety attacks. I've taken a zpack many times before but I guess I wasn't anxious during those times, so it's never had that effect on me before. But this last time, it surely did. I've been feeling very anxious lately. I've gotta tackle this before it gets out of control.
Know what's crazy? I just checked my savings account. That. shit. is. on. FLEEK! Like, a couple years worth of savings goals, wrapped up in like, 12 months. CRAY. And THAT just gave me a little bit of anxiety. My mind is like, "You may end up needing that money to carry you if you lose your job because if you have that kinda money in savings, something negative is bound to happen."
My mind is constantly waiting on the other shoe to drop. Life has been so hard the past few years that my mind has a great deal of difficulty not expecting quiet times to last. It's constantly searching for the next bad event. Constantly. I hate this feeling. I hate this syntax that my brain is stuck on. Yoga. I'm focused on starting yoga to help me through this.
So I found out NWC doesn't have children. Funny how info gets dropped in my lap every time I'm not looking for it. This tidbit came up during a very serious meeting. It was quite funny how it came up. I didn't look up or at him when the question was asked and he answered. I'm not as excited about him anymore. I hate when that happens. I don't have anybody else to crush on so at least it was a distraction. But...*sigh*
Life is so interesting.
I wish I could output my thoughts at any given moment on a ticker tape. The fact that I'm sitting up here thinking about all these things, kinda at the same time......
I'm thankful for this outlet.