TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"We didn't have words to say except, 'Hope you find the one someday.' I've replaced you, I replaced you, I've replaced you, I replaced you."

Sunday, Jun. 21, 2015 - 11:13 p.m.

Had a good day today.

Felt like writing because I wanted to remember that I left off the call to my birth father a long as I could. For a number of reasons, but partially due to anxiety. I just didn't want to speak to him about being a father and Father's Day. We already have this unspoken issue going on about the fact that he wants me to call him dad and I. don't. want. to.

But I did call his ass and wished him a Happy Father's Day. He goes to sleep early (like 8pm), so I called him at 8:05pm after I woke up form a long, delicious Sunday afternoon nap. The convo wasn't long but he was super happy to hear from me. I felt bad for not calling him earlier in the day.

I'm gonna try. That's all I can do. By now, I should have been over this whole "father" issue, but I'm not.

I'ma try.

So yesterday, I finally took my car by a mechanic to get my a/c fixed. It's been blowing hot air for moooonths now. I just let it go because I enjoy fresh air, so it didn't really bother me to not have a functioning a/c. But honey, last week was so HOTTTT. I am constantly in and out of the office, so I can't be sweating like a slave in the car then coming back in the office or going to meetings with people with a face full of sweat and oil. I had avoided taking the car to the mechanic because I thought it might be the compressor or something else super expensive to fix. But thanks to two signs from the Lord in the same day, I got up the courage to address the issue.

30 minutes and $70 later, all the a/c needed was a recharge! Murcee!

I have an issue with avoidance, has that become obvious? LOL It should be by now. SMH. I gotta work on that too. *sigh*

Back to today. Being that it was Father's Day, my mom and I got in the car and went to visit all the fathers in our immediate family as well as her uncle, my great-uncle. We also went by to see her aunt, my great-aunt Aunt Julia. It's a blessing to be able to see everybody in one day, in a couple of hours. I felt so much better having experienced all those hugs and kisses and smiles. They really brightened my day and made me happier.

Went to breakfast before all of that with my mom and she and I went the store afterwards. Came home and even though I wanted to veg out in front of the tv, I ended up partaking of that delicious nap I mentioned earlier. My body must have needed it because I couldn't get up any sooner than I did, even though I wanted to.

A new work week is already upon us. My job is about to get really real (as if it wasn't already but it's definitely about to hit another level). I'm trying to ride this craziness out but Lord knows. I'm just praying about it. I can't do anything else. Only God knows what's going to happen. No matter what happens, I know God has got me covered, so I can't worry about what I can't control.

I'm looking forward to one day feeling like I have some control over my life. I have not felt like that for many, many years. I don't know how to get control of it, and that's been something I have felt burdened about for nearly always. But I gotta learn how and I have to make sure I keep up whatever I learn to do.

EDIT: Didn't even realize I wrote about my a/c last night. But I'ma leave the revisit here anyway. Made me LOL at myself though.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016