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"Can I walk with you through your life?"

Sunday, May. 10, 2015 - 11:19 p.m.

Just spent an hour ordering swimsuits online. St. Maarten for Memorial Day Weekend. Kinda came outta nowhere, happened fast, and now I'm catching up to the idea. LOL

I'm mad 'cause I gained all my weight back. I feel it all over. Ugh. The cycle continues. Hopefully some steps get taken, literally and figuratively, starting tomorrow. Gotta do it.

Today is Mother's Day. My mom enjoyed it, so that's all that matters to me.

I'm getting kind of tired of people wishing me a Happy Mother's Day and me having to respond that I don't have any children. Like, come on now... For realz. It's time for a bun to get in this damn oven! I went to a baby shower yesterday for a first cousin and his girlfriend. Another first cousin is having a baby in two months. A "step"-first cousin just announced she's almost 4 months pregnant.

Like, come on Life, throw a girl a baby or sum'n. Sheesh!

I'm not overly pressed, but I don't want to be the 50 year old "auntie" that never had children. I want to be preguhnint and have babies. I've said for many years that a relationship mattered naught to me - it's the kids I want. I've wanted.

I went to tell women Happy Mother's Day and realized that so many of the women my age that I know do not have children. It's amazing how different society is now. Back in the days, it was a stigma to be a woman of a certain age and NOT have children. Now, it's becoming socially acceptable and even shifting towards the norm. I say "socially acceptable" because the old folks still look at me like it's a choice that I am not pregnant. They rarely ask, "are you in a relationship" anymore. It's like that part doesn't matter to them, they just want my mom to have grandkids. Including her - she has that attitude too. LOL

If I could go pluck a fertilized egg off a tree, if it was that damn easy, I really would have done it a long time ago.

It's crazy that I have not tried to get pregnant. If anything, I've been so busy doing the opposite....when I was having sex anyway. I go through these long, extended bouts of no sex these days. *sigh* Another entry for another day.

But yeah, I haven't ever tried to actually get pregnant. Not that there haven't been instances where someone has tried to get me pregnant. But I don't play with taking my ass to a pharmacy for a Plan B pill either! Hmph! But all that to say, it doesn't seem as easy for women to get pregnant these days. So many are struggling with fertility. Who's to say when I fall into a situation where pregnancy is a supported outcome, that I'll be able to conceive?

I think I'm overthinking things right now. Let me give it a rest. LOL

In the meantime, I'll await delivery of my swimsuits and coverups, try to keep up at work, and do my best to take the path to a healthier lifestyle. I can't worry bout nothing else for the time being.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016