TheForest.Diaryland.Com

"And know that I love you..."

Sunday, Mar. 08, 2015 - 10:33 p.m.

Today is Day 4 of my family's annual Daniel Fast.

Yesterday, I thought I was gonna have to go to the hospital. As of Day 2, anything I eat goes straight to my stomach. I can actually feel the food settling. So yesterday, I ate something and within minutes, I knew it wasn't gonna be a good situation. Sure enough, I was in so much pain, my legs were shaking and I broke out in a full sweat. I was nauseous and my entire belly from top to bottom was hurting so bad, if I had the strength, I would have cried.

I was at a family function at a cousin's house so I hid in the bathroom once the pain got too bad. I had to PRAY and ask the Lord to help me! And he did. Finally, some relief. I went and laid down in my mom's car then came and laid down in the house before we just decided to leave so I could get home and in the bed.

Goodness gracious. I was so upset because part of fasting is for others not to know you are. But because I was in the condition that I was, it became a topic of discussion. I felt so bad, suffering outwardly so that people saw my pain. I didn't want to be a bad example of a faster. Ugh! But it wasn't intentional. Things happen. And honey, the show must go on!

Today, I've been laying down alllll day. I stood up a little to cook breakfast and lunch, and prepare some stuff for tomorrow. But other than that? Laying down. It was such a chill and relaxed Sunday, I've really enjoyed it.

I haven't felt very focused these past 4 days, as far as the fast is concerned. I haven't felt focused in a long time, really. I know God understands. He's working with me. Yesterday, I had to remember to call his name and he helped me. Today, again, I had to remember to call his name for help with something I was helping my mom with. And he answered again. So even though I am totally not focused, he is working with me. I appreciate it.

I'm doing my best to keep my mind "clean" during this fast. I think I'm doing a decent job. I'm not listening to music with words, because I don't want any "unclean" thoughts to pop up - whether they be sexual or related to pandering after a dude from the past or anything like that. Not watching tv either as much as I can help it. I'm trying.

My job has gotten sooooooooo crazy!!!! OMG!!! I feel like I'm working in Washington, DC. So much political stuff going on and I'm a sitting duck right in the middle of it. It wasn't on my list but I realized today that I need to pray for protection on my job. I've been protected thus far but I really need to continue to pray for protection. Lord!

I only have one real request during this period of fasting. It's for the Lord to help me get rid of this weight. I obviously need his help to get myself healthy. I cannot do it alone. My weight is a reflection of all the sad and hard things that have happened in my life. I have used food for comfort in all of those times. And it shows. I am ready for peace in my life. I'm ready to figure out how to have peace. I'm ready for peace. I'm ready.

So that's my main request during this period of fasting and praying - for God's help in losing weight and becoming healthy. I need to verbalize that it's also so that I can draw closer to God, even though I feel that's a given. But verbalizing things brings a focus to them, so I will be verbalizing that.

Anything else going on at the moment? Not that I can think of.

I'm going to hook back up with the EAP lady at my job. I fell off the wagon about seeking therapy after my first/last terrible experience. I need to pick some steam back up on that and I know she can help me do so.

Life.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016