Monday, Mar. 24, 2014 - 1:13 p.m.

Saturday was a stressful day for me. �Stressful.

G-aunt's roomer was supposedly gonna be out most of the day and when I got there, g-aunt was sitting on her bedside chair.

Problem.

Well, two problems. �One was that I knew it would be an issue cleaning her up and getting her off that chair onto her bed. �Two was that her friend John had pulled up at the same time. �Ugh. �Creepy old man alert.

So yeah, of course, the issues all became waaaaay bigger issues. �I don't feel like documenting them. �I'll just say it was a HELL OF A LOT and leave it at that.

So g-aunt wasn't feeling well that day. �She was restless all day. �I could hardly sit down, she was so needy. �Her roomer came �back early but left again then came back not long after. �So I went home around 3 o'clock to lay down for a few and rest my damn mind. �Work has been killing me lately so between work, g-aunt, other things and my own daily existence, I was just exhausted. �Just exhausted.

I got home after picking up me and my mama something to eat. �I watched Grimm, which made me a little happy. �Then I decided to take a nap. �I knew I didn't have much time.

I was just exhausted. �Moreso mentally than anything.

But before I could just be exhausted, one of my mom's sisters called, frantic, because she got a call from g-aunt's older sister. �So then I had to pop up. �Oops, forgot that g-aunt's roomer had called with an issue before that too. �Heh.

So yeah, had to pop up and run back over to g-aunt's. �I was just through. �I was really upset. �I feel like I can never just be tired. �Like I can never just need time for me. �There's always something to do. �And it pisses me off to no end. �Like, I'm fucking tired, ya know?

So on the way over there (or maybe on the way home) (or maybe both), I was thinking that I need to do something. �Maybe I needed to go sit on the beach, or go to a bar by myself in the raggedy clothes I was wearing and get fucked up drunk, or have a free vacation by checking myself into Crisis (mental health emergency room) or...........something I hadn't considered in a long time...............

Call DBanks.

My cure-all for everything that ails me. �Even though, in the words of Pink, instead of making me better, he keeps making me ill. �:-) �(sarcastic smile, btw)

I was on the way to crashing and burning. �I truly was.

But I just sucked it all up, did what had to be done, did a lot of talking to myself to calm down and stop giving into the hopeless/angry feelings, did my best to bring myself down off the cliff. �Pretty much got that taken care of.

Then, late that night, as I'm laying in bed, trying to wind down my mind and body so I could go to sleep, I got a text alert. �From who, pray tell?

DBanks.

Huh? �I thought I had blocked his ass!! �So you mean to tell me that blocking someone's number on the phone has nothing to do with the ability to receive their text messages?! �Ugh. �Just ugh.

I answered out of politeness but I was so dry, his ass quickly got the hint. �His knocking would not be opening any doors on my end.

The next morning while getting ready for the day ahead, I smiled when I looked at my face in the mirror. �I saw in my eyes that I am finally over that fool/ishness. �It was a great feeling to finally realize. �I'm grateful that I've gotten to this point.

It shouldn't have taken this long. �Things that happened should never have had the chance to occur. �All that. �But at least I was finally able to look into my own eyes and be proud of the knowledge and acceptance that I saw there.

I hate that I thought of his ass and conjured him right the hell up. �I haven't done that in so long and never intended to again. �But Saturday? �Saturday almost did me in. �It did. �I don't want to write about it because it just.....I don't have the mental space to revisit that situation nor allow it to take me any further back than it already did.

Jesus.

I'm so tired. �Tired physically, tired mentally, tired emotionally. �So tired. �So tired that it makes me sad. �:-(

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