"Remember? Worst behavior."
Saturday, Dec. 28, 2013 - 3:11 p.m.
A few things:
I did something on Thursday night. Nothing out of the ordinary or criminal, just something that I knew for myself, I should not do. For the most part, I wasn't thinking about anyone but me. But there was a time towards the end that I thought, "I hope that by doing this, something bad does not happen to my great-aunt" (as a result of me doing something I knew I should not have been doing; not that what I was doing had anything whatsoever to do with my great-aunt).
On my way home that night, I laughed at the gall of me having the mere idea that my life and actions in my life would have any outcome at all in the life of my great-aunt. Literally. What I was doing had NOTHING to do with her. But for some reason, I was afraid that God would punish my decision to do what I did.
Today is Saturday. I'm laying in my great-aunt's bed with her as she recovers from overmedicating herself yesterday morning. She took a megadose of some Morphine by mistake. We had given her EXPLICIT instructions to NOT take that medicine unless it was me or my mom giving it to her because it is very strong and dangerous and she would not be able to give it to herself correctly. But she was feeling sick & figured she'd just go ahead and take it.
The nurse that came after I called the service yesterday afternoon said that if not for her regular high blood pressure, her heart rate could have slowed to the point where it stopped. So one of her main major negative health issues is what saved her life. Ain't that something?!
So I don't know if what happened is God punishing my behavior/decision or if it's God just allowing life to happen as it would anyway. I don't think he would do something to my great-aunt to punish me for bad behavior. So maybe he wants to show me that, like, "Child, u r not even that important for me to smite this poor woman for ur foolishness. This is simply part of my will." I pray that he helps me to understand why this happened.
Then, on Thursday afternoon, I had lunch with a high-school classmate. She was lamenting over not being married/boo'd up & being childless at our age. I feel her pain but I mentioned that people on the other side of our plight are the main ones wishing they were in our shoes. And then yesterday, the nurse that showed up for my great-aunt was an elementary school classmate. She's pregnant with her 3rd child with an oldest child being 14yo. My age. Asked if I was married or had any kids, to which I answered no. Of course, she proceeded to say she wished she had my life. I told her about the convo I'd had the day before and we laughed at how neither side seems to be happy. LOL That's such an interesting thing.