TheForest.Diaryland.Com

Tuesday.

Tuesday, Aug. 20, 2013 - 5:37 p.m.

Today I:

- Did work at work.

- Went to visit my other great-aunt in the hospital (she was admitted after a fainting spell last night) and ended up serving her lunch.

- Went to go over my great-aunt that I look after's pre-paid funeral paperwork with the funeral home director. (My great-aunt pre-paid all of her funeral and burial expenses and wants to make sure everything is in order for when that time comes.)

- Went to drop off lunch to my great-aunt because she didn't have access to any food and her roomer was not home.

- Gave my older cousin the business for her champagne lifestyle on a water budget having behind (!!!). (This is the SAME cousin with child and hubby who stayed with me two years ago because they didn't have a place to live. They are now in an even worse financial mess.)

- Have to make an extra trip home because my mom, who I told to drive herself today just because I needed a break, but she didn't want to so I took her and now she wants to go home first before I see my great-aunt. So, yeah, an extra trip.

- Have to go see after my great-aunt.

I need a break. I NEED A BREAK. I'm about to put some clothes in my car and go stay somewhere for the night. Where? Anywhere. I just need to be by myself and away from everyone for a moment.

I AM OVERFREAKINWHELMED. And I feel like the people that should understand that are still just concerned with their own needs to the point where they don't give a damn about how I feel.

Every week, I find myself having a day like that. Last week was Monday. This week is Tuesday. I suppose next week will be Wednesday. And so on, and so forth.

It's all just too much. It's just too much.

And it never ceases, it only gets worse. Every week, it's more than the week before.

I don't even want to have conversations with people anymore because all I'm gonna talk about is the shit I have going on that isn't even mine in the first place. I don't have SHIT going on with me. It's everybody else. Everybody else's shit is all over me.

I just need a for real break. I went to the Bahamas on a day trip like 3 weeks ago (it feels like 3 months ago) but that didn't do anything because I was on the phone coordinating my great-aunt's care that morning and evening. NY was cool because I was actually away for 3 whole days but that was June. I have been attending to my aunt every single day since then. I haven't had not one day off.

If I wasn't working, it would be different. But I'm working (and work is getting increasingly busy). I'm attending to her. I'm attending to my mom. I'm doing everything but taking care of myself.

This is some stressful shit.

And I just feel like people don't appreciate how stressed I am. Like, they are really taking my ability to continue despite the stress for granted. I guess because no matter what, the ship keeps moving. The robot keeps working. The show is still on the road. But at what cost to me? I don't even want to think about it.

I was about to text DBanks to get some. I just need some. I just need some. And I know he would give me some. But I don't know how I would feel after. Like, I'm not myself right now. I don't want to make things worse. I can't afford to make things worse.

EDIT: God is so good. He led me to the beach and it was exactly what I needed. The winds and the waves refreshed me. They dropped joy in my spirit and brought just enough peace to my heart.

God is so good.

the last - the next

The Trees Today - The Trees I've Seent. - Diaryland.


The Last 5 Trees
"Until the end of time, I'll be there for you. You are my heart and mind. I truly adore you." - Sunday, Oct. 30, 2016
"Don't touch what's there...when it's the feelings I wear..." - Saturday, Oct. 08, 2016
"I will enter his gates with thanksgiving in my heart, I will enter his courts with praise." - Friday, Oct. 07, 2016
"I tried to run it away. Thought then my head'd be feeling clearer...." - Tuesday, Oct. 04, 2016
"Boy, your money and my money? Ain't the same damn kind. I can live your life and my life AT THE SAME DAMN TIME!" - Sunday, Oct. 02, 2016