Thursday, Oct. 25, 2012 - 9:15 a.m.

I'm sitting on my couch when I should be up packing.

I took today off because it's my mom's wedding anniversary. I wanted to be with her today. BUT she ended up going to work. And that's perfectly fine because I haven't had a chance to pack a single thing so this gives me time to do some packing.

I don't want to leave my little apartment. I don't want to not be able to come home, strip, put on my skimpy houseclothes and lay my ass on the sofa to watch whatever show I'm obsessed with at the moment. To walk around in total silence if I want to. To get dressed with only natural light & my gospel music in the mornings. To stare out at the water when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I don't want to leave this behind. I don't wanna!!!!

But I do want to be there for my mom. I look forward to keeping her company. I look forward to cooking for her, to taking care of her when she's not feeling well, to laying up under her & bothering her & getting on her nerves. I look forward to all that.

Wanting two different things at the same damn time!

I keep imagining myself telling a dude I'm talking to, "Yeah, I live at home with my MOM." Ugh! LOL Then again, I'd love be interested in the possibility that for the next two or so years to be totally single, totally celibate, totally into me myself & I as far as discovering me and learning me and getting me to where I want to be mentally, spiritually, physically....... I feel like I haven't been quite myself for quite some time. I'd like to get back to me, if that's alright.

Anywhoo, I'm gonna waste a little more time then get to work. This stuff ain't gonna put itself in boxes.

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