"There's a lot of things that I do wrong. If you're looking for the perfect one, this ain't for you..."
Thursday, May. 17, 2012 - 7:20 p.m.
I joked about it on tw.i.ttah yesterday but humor often comes with a hint (or more) of truth.
Been once again *thinking* lately. �Actually, there is a great deal of stress in my life right now - my great-aunt is in-out-in of the hospital and as her self-assigned caretaker.... �Well.... �Atthesamedamntime, I'm having a few health issues of my own - one that, as of this moment, is still undiagnosed. �Add this in with all of the usual else going on in my life?
Stressed.
So this all relates to my thinking as of late....... �I think it comes as a result of not having an impartial dumping bag for my feelings of being overwhelmed, exhausted, overburdened, undercompensated, etc. �In essence, from not having a partner in this here life to emotionally offload on.
I'm thinking about taking my heart, putting it in a glass box with a nice, sturdy lock, and placing it up on top of the bookshelf.
I just feel like the person - the complete MAN - I sooooo desire is not out there right now. �At least he's not in the city I'm in. �So why keep wasting time on dudes I KNOW won't ever be what I want? �Why even waste energy on entertainment at this point? �I get bored so super-easily anyway. �I mean, the entertainment is not even worth the bother, I feel.
It's almost like unless a total package of interesting guy comes across my path, I'm just completely uninterested. �Completely. �Especially at the mere whiff of a quality or characteristic that doesn't appeal to me.
(Sidenote: Doesn't this whole post sound super bitchy??? �Ugh.)
Everything in one word? �Apathy.
I'm feeling extremely apathetic about my romantic life lately. Extemely. �Extremely. �And the only way I can think of dealing with my attitude is to just give up on it. �At least temporarily. �There are just too many other things going on in my life at the moment. Rather than turn bitter about the state of my love life, I'd just as easily back away from it.
So that's where I stand for now. �Who knows how long this will last. �Hopefully it's not for long at all. �That's my sincere hope. �In the meantime, I'm looking forward to not wondering about, thinking about, using up any energy worrying about love.
I don't have any to spare at the moment.