"Love, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE???"
Saturday, Dec. 11, 2010 - 6:50 p.m.
I was hit with a little bit of sadness at the beginning of this week and it hit me again today while I was watching an episode of Fr.inge. Olivia had one of those everygirlintheworld "OUCH" moments. It hurt me for her. Yikes! But I truly understood and felt her pain.
Jorge is now "in a relationship". Looks happy. I'm happy for him.
But it did make me upset with myself. I was near-furious. Why? What does him being in a relationship have to do with me??
I guess because I thought back to how he tried to convince me that we should be together. And in September, he was very serious about it. Mentioned moving to Miami and everything. And when he mentioned moving to Miami, I kinda laughed. Not because of the idea, but the circumstances surrounding the conversation. And I probably offended him, which I realized immediately after the laugh came out. Woops.
But yeah. In a way, I was like, "Why did he do that? Why did he lead me on? Why did he get into a relationship with this chick when he was telling me he wanted to be in one with me??" I was mad AT HIM for about 3 seconds before it hit me, and then I became mad with MYSELF.
They say women do that - run after the fool who means them no good, while running from the one who is standing with his arms wide open. Jorge was trying to give me something and I turned up my nose at it. Convinced myself he wasn't the one because he wasn't the one I wanted.
Now I'm here, without the one I was running after AND the one I was running away from. With just about all my lil' feelings hurt.
I think I'm feeling it more because Virginia will be here soon. I feel my hormones a'raging. If I were in a balanced state, it would probably have bothered me momentarily and I would have long moved on from it.
But in a way, I'm glad I got to wallow in it because that tells me I didn't let myself continue to be blinded, not accepting my responsibility in the whole scheme. I can't be mad at Jorge and think that he lead me on. He didn't. He tried to get me. I refused. Would it be fair to expect him to sit around and wait until I realized he may have been a good thing for me? Absolutely not. I wouldn't have wanted that done to me...
Also, I still don't really believe he was TheOne for me. Something was missing. What, I can't exactly put my finger on but my heart just didn't and still doesn't feel like I missed out on the love of my life.
I hope I didn't, anyway.