"True love doesn't lie but we won't know unless we give it a try..."
Tuesday, Nov. 09, 2010 - 6:46 p.m.
So DBanks' baby is here.� They're waiting on the DNA results to come back.
Is our situation that serious that I should be over here, waiting to hear a "yay" or "nay"?� Absolutely not.� Not even close.
So why am I even mentioning it?� Well because I've been thinking.� I always think, but that's beside the point.� The point is that if Darren Samuel is his child, DBanks has an instant family.� Instant.
What would I have?
Nothing.
I don't like the feeling that thought gives me.� I don't like knowing that I'm sitting here, investing my emotions into a situation that offers ZERO return on investment.
So why has it been so hard to walk away?
I plead the PHYSICAL.� But I know it's more than that.� And THAT PISSES ME OFF!
So I'm trying to get the nerve up, the will up, the courage up to completely walk away from DBanks.� Without an explanation, without a chance for him to suck me back in, or for me to fall on the ground and grab onto his leg all dramatic-like (not that I would do that anyway, right?� RIGHT?).� Like I said, it's gonna take a lot of my very own nerve.� It's gonna take cajones that've seemed to be non-existent for the past, oh, year and a half...
It just drives me nuts that from the very beginning, I told myself this was something I should not involve myself in.� This was a situation I didn't want to find myself in.� Yet I forged full-steam ahead.....like an idiot.� And now I feel.....like an idiot.
But the only way to learn how to live life is to live it, no?� Yes.� Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.
I'm sad.� Not depressed, thank God.� But sad.� I don't like the way this has gone, I don't like the way it is, and I damn sure don't like the way it's about to end up.� But it can't continue.� I can't continue like this.� It's time for a change.