Thursday, Jan. 28, 2010 - 8:45 p.m.

Soooo, didn't I say I'm done talking about DBanks?! I do SO clearly recall saying that in a recent, if not my last, entry.

Anywhoo. 'Twas the day befo' my 29th birthday (ain't I a woman?). There I sat in the spot, tearing up some chicken tenders and fries, drankin' on some Chardonnay with a splash of Grenadine (they ain't have no other wine I like and I wasn't tryna get to' up off no likka). I reach in my purse to make sure I haven't missed a phone call on my cell and lo and behold, behold and lo, what do I see? Oh, only a text from DBanks talkin bout he miss me and wishes things were the way they used to be between us.

Nigga! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?!

UGH! I hate that!!!

So anywhoo, the wine caught up to me, D was next to me feeling sorry for how I cut his ass off and I was missing him. All that stew did was lead me to send him a text that I wanted to see him soon. We made plans to see each other the following day, my actual birthday.

My birthday was really nice, by the way. The party this past weekend was more than THE BOMB!!!! Another entry for another day.

But yeah, so my birthday comes. I do some thangs and then head home, ready to see DBanks. No word from him. I call him to see what's up, because he says I never do. I wanted to confront him, really, about not keeping his word. His ass answers the phone all groggy - Oh, I fell asleep, blah bliggity blah.

F yo couch son!

I get over the non-disappointment, recalling that his inability to stick to his word is a MAJOR reason why I cut his ass loose to begin with. I make the decision to move on with my non-DBanks involved life.

This nigga sends me a text this afternoon. Wants to see me. I agree but specify no sex. I had to say it but I knew I didn't mean it. He agrees to the terms and we make plans for 7:30. 8 o'clock comes and he admits that he can't see me without tryna get some so he doesn't think it's a good idea that he comes.

I'm drinking some mo' wine, so I finally calmed down enough to reply HONESTLY. Told his ass EXACTLY what I felt - cuss words and all. INCLUDING the fact that his DUMB ASS probably would have gotten some if he had SHOWN UP! AAARRRGGGHHHH!!!

So anywhoo, I'm done. For real now. Like, it's not even funny anymore. He's 30. An old-ass 30. He's acting like he's 18 and that shit AIN'T CUTE. I got 7 more days till I hit 60 days celibate. I can and will do this.

Like I told him, I DON'T HAVE BRAIN SPACE FOR THIS FOOLISHNESS! I have my great-aunt sick in the hospital, my uncle that I have to build up the BULL BALLS to tell I WILL NOT take him to work anymore, work that I need to be serious about, a healthy lifestyle change I am trying to implement, D who I STILL need to talk to about our "friendship" and a myriad of other minor things, up to and including getting my credit card bills under control (since they have decided to run a-freakin-muck the past 45 days).

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OMG, this nigga just had the nerve to CALL ME!!!! I am on my second glass of wine. HE DOES NOT WANT IT WITH ME!

Whyyyyy does he piss me off so bad, I don't understand!

Maybe it's because he could be the perfect fuckin' babydaddy for my situation and my biological clock has kicked into fuckin' HIGH GEAR since graduation?!?!? DAMNIT!!!

*deep breath* I am LITERALLY sitting here, taking DEEP BREATHS.

Wow, I can feel the pressure leaving my body right now. I was so upset just now, I can't believe it.

I just don't understand him. I don't. I probably never will. I need to just accept that. It is what it is.

Once again, I am making the decision to leave him alone. Obviously, we can't just be friends and truthfully, I want everything he has to give that he doesn't even know how to give. So guess what? We just won't work out. Period. That's it. I'm done.

This is stupid. I'm 29. This shit is for high-school kids. I'm too old for this foolishness.

Blah.

Back to my celibacy thing and I'ma just go ahead and throw in a bebymyself thing too. I'm finna be me for a while and just live my life. Be quiet. Do what I need to do for me. That's it.

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