Friday, Sept. 11, 2009 - 9:55 p.m.

Po' Sade! My goodness!

But I know how she feels. I sho' felt like that tonight too.

DBanks hurt my damn feelings. Took his ass to ATL and ain't even tell me!!! Gon' send me a text at 4am that he miss me 'cause I been ghost all week. But that's his fault, 'cause I kept trying to get him to come see me when I was sick last week but he never came through. I know, I know. Strep Throat = highly contagious. (Even my momma wasn't tryna see me.) But still!

So yeah, he never came to see me last week so this week, I was acting up because I was mad about that. Then he hits me up this morning with the text. I replied that I missed him too (even though I do miss him but I ain't want to tell him that). Then later this afternoon, I ask him what he's up to tonight and that's when he drops the ATL bomb.

OUCH nigra!!

The only thing I can imagine is he forgot I was going to NC last weekend and maybe found himself surprised to find I was there. But I know we talked about it before. I know I told him because he went to Tally for the UM game and I mentioned that I was going to NC at the same time he told me that. But people do be forgetful sometimes. I know that. And then I ain't the kind to be telling people over and over that I'm going somewhere. Hell, my family don't even know half the time until I'm gone or even done made it back home! LOL So maybe he's trying to take what he thought was a slight on my part, and put it back on me?

Ion't know. All I know is I was hurt when he told me that he is in ATL when his ass is ALREADY IN ATL!!!

Ugh.

Seriously, I've been thinking more and more about sitting down with him and letting him know that I don't want to do this anymore. I like him and there are certain thoughts and feelings that go along with me liking him that I can no longer control. And we are so much alike that we deal with our thoughts and emotions the same way. So I know if I'm over here, thinking up all these thoughts in my head, his ass is too. And we will not communicate what we're thinking or feeling until we have let those thoughts and emotions get the best of us and cause a damn problem. It's already happened twice. The third time's the charm.

And this time, my feelings were genuinely hurt. But I feel dumb having hurt feelings because he don't owe me nothing and I don't owe him nothing. Not even an explanation of travel plans.

*sigh*

I've been trying to get my eating under control now that I'm enjoying working out. I'm a classic emotional eater. As soon as I saw that text from DBanks about ATL, I wanted to go somewhere and get the greasiest/friedest/cheesiest whatever I could find!!! But I kept telling myself not to do it. And then, even though it looked like a monsoon was on the way, I got up off the couch and went and did a long walk in my 'hood. And I feel sooooooo much better, thank goodness!!! I just ate a peach and I'm satisfied.

I really wanted to just blow it though. Food always makes me feel better when I'm upset. But I have to turn to something else. I have to learn how to do that everytime.

But anywhoo. I had the urge to go out tonight but now, I'm just gonna marinate on the couch and just...marinate. LOL Tomorrow night's gonna be a doozy, so I need to take advantage of tonight while I have the chance.

NC was fun but kinda boring. Got plenty of rest and the air was nice and dry, so I got to breathe easy. I'm looking forward to the trip back at the end of the month. That's gonna be fun.

Alright, I'm out.

P.S. I forgot to mention that this chick Joanne who I was friends with from '99 to '05, but who decided I wasn't a good friend to her and she wanted no parts of our friendship anymore without any explanation or discussion, sent me a damn Friend Request on FB. I tell you, it's the debbil!! I'm just letting it sit there and linger because I don't know whether to accept it or just let it hang around until she cancels it. That girl hurt me. I valued our friendship to the nth degree, and she did me that way. It took me a loonnnnggg time to get over that.

I don't know what her motivation is, which is why I don't know what to do. I mean, I've moved on from what she did. I hold no animosity towards her and even hope she is having a lovely life. But I can't just pick up where we left off. She didn't even send a message to say, "Hey, I know you're shocked by this but..." I don't know. I guess I'm just expecting too much. But either way, I like my life the way it is. I don't feel like I'm missing out on anything by not having her in my life. Yeah, it's just a friend request on FB but to me, it's a little deeper than that. I was hurt. (the recurring theme in this doggone entry).

P.S.S. So a couple weeks ago, when I was hustling in and out of my apartment building 'cause I was once again overbooked with weekend events, this guy in the parking lot said hi. Handsome gentleman. He was. But I was busy, flustered, LATE to where I was going... I just didn't have time to talk. I didn't want to give him my number so I got his email address because he inquired about things to do in the area.

I sent him some info and since then, we've kept in sporadic contact via email. I've kept it pc because I didn't have a chance to see what he was about and also, I just wasn't interested. So imagine my surprise when he hits me up tonight, asking if I want to hang out. LOL Well... ;-)

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