Sunday, Jul. 26, 2009 - 10:14 p.m.

For real? I'm not even as bothered as the lyric titling this post may seem. I'm just mighty irritated, is all.

So my mom had been harassing me about getting back in touch with my two half-sisters (sperm donor's daughters). I kept resisting but this whole Mic.hael Jac.kson and everybody else passing away stuff made me be like, "okay, fine". So I email "that man" for the girls' email addresses. He replies that they are minors so they don't have email addresses. With the way of the world these days, I can totally respect and understand that. He gave me their mother's email address so I can email them there. Guess he realizes I don't have anything to say to him. :-/

I haven't emailed them yet but it's only been a couple of days since I contacted him. I'll email them this week.

On the other hand, this fool has been emailing me all these damn pictures of the girls and their nice, LOVELY life in the ATL. They moved there from Ni.ger.ia maybe 2 years ago, if that. He's taught them how to drive, they have their little friends - it's cute, really. Buuuuuuutttttt.....

I'on wanna see that shit!!!

I don't want to see how nice they're living when at their age, my life was TOTALLY MUHFUGGIN' DIFFERENT! I had no dad teaching me how to drive!!! I had no nice-ass house with my own room! Hell, we ain't even have a damn car to drive!!!! And you sending me pictures, showing me how good of a life you're giving your 2nd and 3rd daughters?!?!

WHAT ABOUT THE DAMN 1st BITCH?!?!

UGH!!!!!!!!!

Maybe I am a bit more peeved than I thought I was...

I mean, it's just like a slap in the face. I mean, I understand him wanting me to have a glimpse into their life but does he even know how it hurts me to see that shit?!?!

I'm fucking disgusted right now. I could spit, I'm so disgusted.

Ugh!

Anywaysssssss. *relax, relate, release*

I had another nice, lovely, relaxing weekend. Drove up to visit my girl Miss Pooh. I had a riding buddy - DBanks.

It's so funny because from the outside looking in, somebody could possibly assume that we are getting serious...

But we're not. Just taking it one day at a time. Getting to know each other and just enjoying spending time with each other. I still feel, deep down inside, that he is not the one for me. I know that I want him in my life but I believe, just as a friend. By the end of the summer, I'll let him know. Right? LOL We'll see.

For real though? He's sweet...in his own way. Not so much in the traditional way, which is what I want because even though I call myself "newfangled", I long for that "traditional" interaction. But in his own way, he is a sweetheart. And I appreciate him for that.

I just...don't see it working out. And I'm not being pessimistic - just realistic. I know in my heart what I want and what I need and he's not it. Yes, I'm using him to keep me company during the summer. He wants company too, so I don't really feel guilty. But knowing what his hopes are... That's what's hard to work around.

Oh well. I'm tired. I thoroughly enjoyed the rides up there and back. Just extremely relaxing. I really needed this trip. But it was tiring. And I am trying to get up to work out in the morning...

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